Family is feuding like cats and dogs

DEAR AMY » My son and his family recently took a two-week trip. I volunteered to watch their three large dogs in my small, 900-square-foot home while they were away.

One week after their return, I then asked them to watch my (one) dog for three days.

They said, “We can’t have him here because he chases our cat.”

Amy, they live on a oneacre property with lots of space for kitty to escape!

My daughter-in-law said she was willing to stay at my house after work to care for my dog, but that meant that my dog would be alone all day.

My son is a stay-athome dad, so someone is always home there.

I’m so hurt. My son says my thinking is skewed, and that his wife was trying to make everyone happy. It is her cat.

I am not happy, because it feels like my daughter-in-law’s cat is more important than my dog and me.

I gave them a $200,000 break on the house they bought from me.

I paid for a new roof and $13,000 worth of windows.

I have been very helpful to them, and yet they can’t do this one thing I ask of them?! Is my thinking skewed? — Very Upset

DEAR UPSET » Yes, your daughter-in-law’s cat is probably more important than your dog — to her — just as your dog is obviously more important than her cat — to you.

Have you ever had a cat killed by a dog? (I have.) In the family chain of pet importance, is one cat somehow less important than one dog?

On the one hand, I agree that this family should turn themselves inside out to try to help you, because you taking on their three dogs for two weeks was a huge and heavy lift (where was the cat during this time?). On the other hand, your daughter-in-law seems to be trying very hard to reciprocate, by offering to visit, feed and walk your dog after work (of course, she or your son would have to do this in the morning too).

You are conflating many huge financial gifts and favors you have done for this family with their inability (or unwillingness) to take care of your dog under the conditions you want.

If you conveyed this to them, they might be willing to put their cat into a kennel for three days so your dog can roam free on their property.

If you don’t want to financially help this family, then stop. Your help seems to have become a burden for you when they don’t express their gratitude through reciprocation.

DEAR AMY » I have a beautiful and wonderful girlfriend. I’m 63 and she’s 51, and we’re getting pretty serious about this relationship.

However, she has a thing for motorcycles (I don’t). She doesn’t want to get her own bike (she doesn’t know how to operate one and doesn’t have a motorcycle license), but she feels like from time to time riding on the back of another man’s motorcycle would give her that sexual charge and rush.

She had done this a few times before we met.

I have grave concerns about this. I don’t want us to fight or split up because she desires this, but I think of the dangers of motorcycle riding, especially on another man’s bike.

I’m a car guy. She enjoys riding with me in my truck. Over all we have a pretty good romance. We can see us getting married, but this motorcycle thing is a speed bump to me.

This woman checks off all the boxes for me except for riding with another guy (or gal) on a motorcycle.

— Concerned

DEAR CONCERNED » I don’t want to start a vehicle war, but there is nothing sexier than riding with your guy (or gal) in a pickup truck. Take her parking in the moonlight.

What I’m suggesting is that you two should take her desires into account, but see if you can do so in a way that includes you both.

Who knows? Maybe horseback riding, or running around on a tandem Vespa, would do the trick.

Always wear your helmets.

“Responsible Mom” told of her son hitting the neighbor’s mailbox while the father was “teaching” him to drive. Unfortunately, the dad was looking at his own cellphone at the time!

I’m with you on this — the father should take responsibility for the accident. — Experienced Parent

DEAR PARENT » When a learning driver doesn’t even get out of the driveway safely, it’s on the teacher.

Contact Amy Dickinson via email at askamy@ amydickinson.com.

Amy Dickinson