Student debt crisis creates ethical dilemma

DEARAMY>>

Would it be wrong to ask my mother to use her inheritance from her father (my grandfather) to pay off some of my student loans?

I graduated nine years ago into a terrible job market and I am just now breaking out into a decent, good-paying career.

However, I have barely made a dent on my student loans from being unemployed and underemployed for many years. I am also hard-of-hearing and this contributed to my employment search struggles.

My mom bragged about spending $11,000 on new windows for the house. It was a perfectly valid purchase, but I could not help feeling resentful hearing about it. That amount would have paid off a third of my loans!

Whenever I see my student loan amount, I cry so much. By the time I would be able to make it up the career ladder, the interest will catch up with my salary, keeping me indebted forever.

I only went to college in the first place because my parents influenced me to. I feel shameful seeing my peers with their debts paid off, while I continue to struggle.

What is the right thing to do here?

— Student loan woes DEARLOANWOES>> There is a valid reason the student loan debt burden is being called a “crisis.” You and your colleagues are carrying unprecedented debt, which is taking not years — but decades — to pay off. The default rate (which can have extreme personal consequences) is over 10 percent — and climbing.

Before going to your mother, you should edu- cate yourself and explore any and every opportunity to renegotiate your loan terms. Check studentaid. ed.gov for information on consolidating and repaying federal loans. Studentloanhero. com is a commercial site offering lots of information on how to organize and consolidate, as well as tips to perhaps lower your payments (the company claims to profit only from the various banking “partners” they work with to consolidate and refinance; the site is free to consumers). Always make sure any terms are more favorable to you than your current terms, and read all of the fine print before making any changes.

Yes, definitely ask your mother for help. Show her a calculation of your current repayment burden over the next 10 to 20 years. Demonstrate the positive impact of you repaying even a portion of the principal now.

If she won’t donate this inheritance money outright to you, you might be able to negotiate a private loan with her — with a more favorable rate than the one you are currently paying. I hope she gives you this break — it would be a great investment in your future. Amy Dickinson

DEARAMY>> So a few months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of six months.

I broke up with her for a stupid reason, and I really regret it!

I’m now starting to realize that I never really got over her, and I am still in love with her.

There is one problem: I’m 99 percent sure that she hates my guts.

I don’t know what to say to her, and I’m really freaking out!

Do you have any suggestions?

— Freaking Out DEARFREAKINGOUT>> I hope this situation inspires you to great lyrical heights. Your creative position is ideal, because the odds of you actually succeeding are pretty low. This underlying dynamic can inspire real bravery.

Here’s what I suggest: Cop to your own bad behavior. Affirm that she probably hates you because of your behavior. Apologize, sincerely. Ask for forgiveness. Ask if she would consider meeting with you so you can apologize in person, and to hear her out. Carefully consider whether she might be inspired by you standing beneath her window in the rain, playing Aerosmith on a boombox

Understand that she could post anything you say or do on social media, and that she could share your comments freely with others. Keep this in mind as you plot your next move.

DEARAMY>> I’ve enjoyed reading your “best of” columns while you were away. However, the dilemma posed by TK made me mad. TK’s boyfriend shot a raccoon in her yard. Raccoons are pests. They create property damage and carry disease. This animal should be killed, and this guy did the right thing to shoot it. Your response was really feeble!

— Upset DEARUPSET>> All of your arguments aside, my orientation is Nobody discharges a firearm on my property without my permission. Nobody kills an animal on my property without my say so.

Contact Amy Dickinson via email at askamy@ amydickinson.com. DUSTIN: CRANKSHAFT: MOTHER GOOSE & GRIMM: THE BORN LOSER: FAMILY CIRCUS: MARMADUKE: