Homeowners go nuts over feeding squirrels

DEAR AMY >> We have just moved into a new semidetached home and have not yet met the neighbor in the adjoining house.

We’ve noticed that there is a trio of plump and happy squirrels who spend most of their time on a small tree just outside of our window. Our yard and flower beds are constantly littered with hundreds of store-bought peanut shells. It is a disgusting mess.

Amy, there is not a single moment that I’ve looked out the window and not seen a squirrel on our roof, tree, or lawn, and they almost always have a peanut in their mouth. They are also digging our lawn to bits.

It seems that our wallsharing neighbor is buying peanuts to feed the squirrels, and by the looks of it, she buys in bulk!

Not only is this making a mess of our lawn, but I am worried about our children picking these up (we have two toddlers).

We were also looking forward to having a large garden in the summer, and although any garden can have its fair share of pests, this is over the top.

I think the neighbor should have to clean up the atrocious mess on our lawn and stop feeding these pests, but having that be our first-ever communication doesn’t make for a friendly start.

Should we make a show of if by going out with gloves and garbage bags, trying to cover the tree, and leave squirrel repellent bottles outside? Or do we knock on the door and ask them to stop?! The squirrels are living and feasting exclusively on our side of the lawn!

— Going Nuts in Niagara Falls

DEAR GOING NUTS

>> You should introduce yourselves to your neighbors. Ask them about the neighborhood, about trash and recycling pickup, etc.

In the course of your conversation, you should also ask them what they are doing about the squirrel infestation. Ask if these rodents have been scampering across their roof, gnawing on the woodwork, and chewing through their wiring (squirrels love the rubber coating on wiring, by the way).

Depending on how your neighbors respond, you can simply make it very clear that you are going to do everything you can to eradicate or relocate this trio. Say, “If you are feeding them, we hope you will stop.” Then, you can take all of the steps you mention. You should also consider trapping these pals (the squirrels, not the neighbors) and relocating them (again, the squirrels, not the neighbors) to a far-off habitat.

Even though they are contributing to it, I don’t agree that the neighbors should have to clean up the mess these squirrels leave on your lawn.

DEAR AMY >> I have three adult children. I raised them to thank people for gifts. Their friends, however, do not.

I have given generously to these young people, for wedding registries, baby showers, etc. A few have thanked me, verbally or in a written note, but from the rest, nothing. This includes gifts that were on a registry, which the recipient clearly indicated they wanted.

A very sweet, kind, well-educated young man told me once that he just didn’t acknowledge gifts, even if he likes it. He didn’t give me a reason. My question is: Why? Email/texting is easy, free, and instantaneous, unlike writing a note and having to pay postage and put it in a mailbox. It seems to be beneath them.

Any ideas?

— The Giver

DEAR GIVER >> I agree with you that thanking people is easier than ever. Simply taking a picture of the item and sending the picture with a texted message of “Thank you!” to the giver is sufficient, in my book.

If someone declares to you that he never thanks people for anything, then I think you should interpret this as a statement that he no longer wants to receive gifts.

I’m not sure if this is a trend; I can assert that this is a perennial frustration for many.

DEAR AMY >> I appreciate your annual column devoted to charities, but yet again you failed to suggest any charities benefitting animals! I find this lack of awareness and concern very upsetting. — Disappointed AGAIN

DEAR DISAPPOINTED >> As stewards to our animals, we have a duty to do everything we can to protect them. Throughout the year, I advocate for the needs of our animal friends and companions.

I don’t have a lack of awareness (and personally donate to my local shelter), but my “giving” column each year focuses on nonprofits that help humans.

DEAR AMY >> “Caroline” has been a dear friend since we were teens 35 years ago. We both came from very religious, conservative families, and have always shared the same beliefs — until now.

Over the last five years, my way of life has changed a lot. For many reasons, I no longer attend church or believe in her religion. I defend equality rights that she views as sinful, and I even cuss and have a beer on occasion. It has been a long and liberating journey for me.

I have not explicitly told Caroline that I’ve changed. I only see her once a year. I realize that I am not what she thinks I am.

She is going to visit me in a few months. Is it necessary to have a conversation with her? If so, do you have any advice on how to have this conversation? — Losing My Religion

DEAR LOSING >> One of the many benefits of adulthood is that adults get to change.

Another benefit is that you don’t have to discuss anything you don’t want to discuss. It is not “necessary” to have any particular conversation.

Keep in mind that your old friend has the same benefits (toward change or stasis) that you possess. And, like you, she might have areas of her life that she would prefer to keep off-limits.

If you two spend time together and you find that you want to discuss the change in your faith-status, you should keep it simple.

Her disappointment regarding your life-change is her burden to bear. You should not assume responsibility for her reactions.

If she feels the need to evangelize to you, ask her to stop, and say, “I’m completely at peace with my point of view, so this really isn’t up for discussion,” and change the subject.

There is nothing wrong with engaging in a hearty debate, by the way, if both sides are permitted to express themselves and each of you listen and respond respectfully.

DEAR AMY >> Like many people, my wife and I send out Christmas cards during the holiday season — one card to each household on our list.

Some folks who have other household members (age 21 and above) living with them have asked us to send a separate card to each of their adult children in the household.

These are single adults still living in their childhood bedroom, not a family living in separate quarters on the property.

We think “and family” covers everyone under the same roof. By the way, those extra adults do not send out their own cards.

We update addresses, and add or drop folks, in what we believe to be normal Christmas list maintenance. Did some etiquette change?

— Getting Carded

DEAR CARDED >> I understand that there are circumstances where perhaps an adult child has a special need and will be cohabiting with parents for the duration of their lifetime. In that case, it would be kindest to send the adult child a separate card.

Otherwise — the idea that these parents would advocate for their babies to receive separate Christmas cards sent to their home address tells me that these parents will be enjoying the company of their adult children in their household for many Christmases to come.

Tell them, “When the kids have their own mailing addresses, we will be delighted to add them to our mailing list.”