Long-distance dieting buddy expresses concern

DEAR AMY >> Recently, my friend and I started dieting together.

Even though she lives across the country, we talk frequently about the weight we’ve lost and what we’ve done for ourselves.

The other day she told me that she was only eating one meal a day because she wants to be skinny, and today she posted a Tweet about how she was going to lower her food intake even more.

I’ve tried telling her that it’s OK to eat and that she’ll get sick, but she won’t listen to me.

Is there anything I can do for her?

— A Concerned Friend DEAR FRIEND >> I am a survivor of virtually every popular diet over the last 50 years, and I assure both of you that dieting doesn’t really work in the long term. Severely restricting your calorie intake seems mainly to suppress a person’s metabolism, so it gets harder and harder to lose weight. It can also trigger an eating disorder, which can bring on a lifetime of struggle.

What does seem to work is finding a healthy balance of eating and exercise. The reason this very boring, non-magical answer to the whole weight-control question keeps surfacing is because — after the last fad diet has faded — a person’s positive relationship to food (and to her own body) is the most important component in maintaining a healthy weight. Eating well and playing joyfully will always be better for you than any diet.

Continue to counsel your friend to eat well. You don’t say how old you two are, but if you are worried or suspect that she has developed an eating disorder, it might be wise to reach out to a family member of hers and share your concern. You should both get medical checkups.

DEAR AMY >> I loved your compassionate advice to “Anxious Mother,” whose young-adult son was about to move overseas. I especially appreciated your advice that she think about the family members of deployed members of the military.

I am a military mom and have said goodbye to my service member daughter three times now. It is wrenching and heartbreaking, but I support her desire to serve her country.

Sometimes we parents just have to accept that our children have the right to live their own lives.

— Military Mom DEAR MOM >> Parents never stop being parents, and those family members who stoically see their children off for military deployment have my unwavering admiration. Our service members could not do their jobs without their families’ love and support. I can only imagine how hard this is on everyone.