Dating relationship ends in slander

DEAR AMY >> I’ve been dating a woman for about six months now. We started dating soon after what I thought was her official breakup with her ex-boyfriend. She moved out of the house she shared with him and moved in with a co-worker of mine.

I just found out that she never broke up with her boyfriend. He apparently thinks they are “just figuring things out.”

When we first started seeing each other I suggested we casually date other people because she just got out of a relationship. She told me she wants me and doesn’t need anyone else.

I’ve also recently found out that she has at least two other lovers — these are people she was seeing while in her prior relationship.

I told her I don’t want to date her anymore, and she suggested that we just have a sexual relationship. I declined, and now she’s telling people I abused her.

I try to stay away, but when a woman says something like that, it becomes “fact” in everyone’s mind.

Help me! I have no idea what to do.

— Hurting DEAR HURTING >> How fast can you run? Strap on your track shoes and get (and stay) away from this onewoman wrecking ball.

Her suggestion that you two should segue from an emotional relationship into a sex-only relationship seems to violate your own values and standards. And this — and her reaction to your rejection — says everything you need to know about her.

You need to answer any accusation calmly by saying — to the accuser — “You know that that is simply not true.” Then separate from this person immediately. Disconnect from her on all social media, and purposely avoid having any personal or phone contact with her — or through other people.

Friends of yours will not automatically believe a false accusation. You should address it directly by saying, “This is absolutely not true.” Avoid trashing her (this could escalate her accusations), but do say, “She and I have different ideas about how to have a relationship.”

If you feel this slander has legs, and if it is having a negative impact on your other relationships, your reputation and your work, you should see a lawyer. These lies might be legally actionable.