Woman confused by ‘delete’ request

DEAR AMY » I’ve had an on-and-off relationship with a guy for about six years. We’re both 45.

He’s divorced with a son in high school. I’ve never been married.

Recently we made plans for a Monday night. There is a history of this guy “disappearing” and not following through on plans.

I emailed him a couple of times the week before, with no response. When I hadn’t heard back from him the Friday before, I emailed him, letting him know I had made other plans for Monday.

I got a response telling me to erase his number and email, and to never contact him again.

I’ve since sent a number of emails apologizing profusely, with no response. I can’t believe that my “offense” (making other plans and letting him know I wasn’t going to be available after not hearing from this guy for over a week) is a capital offense, one for which you’d cut all contact from someone you’ve known for six years. I’m not sure what to do at this point! — Wondering Woman DEAR WONDERING » When someone demands that you delete him from your life, that’s exactly what you should do. I wonder how much more information you need from this man in order to get the message that this relationship is over.

Based on your version of events, he has overreacted to this particular situation. But based on other clues you scatter in your question, I suspect that you might have a pattern of putting up with a lot of nonsense and also not reacting proportionally to various social cues.

You should not offer apologies when you’ve done nothing wrong. To do so is not only confusing, but also throws off the balance in a relationship.

Now, you should redirect your energy, perhaps toward some introspection, in an effort to understand why you have been in this relationship for six years, and why you feel the need to apologize when someone has been rude to you.