Parents get cranky about nap time schedule

DEAR AMY » My wife and I have a 14-month-old daughter. We often clash on our parenting styles.

Our daughter is on a very strict schedule. This has worked out well for us — she naps well and sleeps through the night.

I’m all for the schedule, but sometimes life should come first. This weekend my wife and I are going to a wedding. My parents love to watch our daughter, but they had already made plans to go to the local homecoming parade.

After my wife sent my mom our daughter’s schedule, my mom said that they would take our daughter to the parade, and bring her back for her nap, about an hour later than normal. She said that if my wife wasn’t comfortable with that, it was OK to try and find another option.

My wife thought this was rude and that my mom wasn’t respecting her wishes. I feel like my parents are doing us a favor, and putting our daughter down for her nap a little later isn’t a big deal. I want my wife to realize that we can deviate from the schedule on occasion. — Dad Needs Help DEAR DAD » I am with you on this. Your mother, also, has handled this well.

Your wife’s reaction is not only unkind, but it also doesn’t bode well for future free babysitting gigs (or for her relationship with her in-laws). Additionally, she needs to realize that when she isn’t present, caregivers will not necessarily adhere strictly to her schedule.

This episode exposes the reality of parenthood: Parenting is a balancing act between control and letting go.

Your wife’s overreaction to this is really an expression of her own anxiety. This is not about your daughter’s well-being, but about her own.

Children do best when they can function in a variety of settings. At your daughter’s age, I can hardly think of anything more delightful than being exposed to the colors and joyfulness of a little parade. This is an opportunity to start the process of taking her further out into the world.

You should discuss these parenting concepts when you are not stressed by a specific issue.