The News Herald (Willoughby, OH)
Gauge wellness of aging loved one
Holiday provides opportunity to assess, assist
With the holidays just days away, many area families are planning to reunite with elderly relatives, possibly after months or even years since the last visit.
Along with the dearth of time spent together, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews and other relatives of older adults who serve as their caregivers often find that it’s during these holiday visits that they notice things about them changing. And oftentimes, it’s not for the better.
In a Nov. 6 article on AgingCare.com, aging care and planning consultant Gail M. Smaha writes that “a significant number of
caregivers rely on regular telephone conversations and check-ins by other closer-living relatives to gauge an aging loved one’s well-being,” citing a recent study by the Family Caregiver Alliance’s National Center on Caregiving.
“Unfortunately, age-related decline can happen quickly, and in many cases, seniors are skilled at concealing new and worsening problems,” Smaha’s article reads. “For many of these families, holiday visits are the only opportunity for them to observe a senior in person, so it’s important to pay close attention to their physical and mental health and their living situation.”
Silvana Kostura, a social worker with the Geauga County Department on Aging, agreed the holiday season is prime time to spot any deterioration in aging loved ones.
“Yes. When (relatives) come in from out of town and they visit, that’s when they notice maybe mom’s memory seems impaired or she’s declining physically,” Kostura said. “And maybe that’s when they realize they might need more help in the home and that’s when they contact us for more services.”
Sabrina Fuentes, who is the sales and marketing manager at Brookdale Senior Living Solutions in Willoughby, concurred, using this past Thanksgiving as an example.
“We had a lot of people come in after Thanksgiving, freaked out, saying things like: “Oh my God! My relative is getting really forgetful.’ or ‘The house is a mess. There are pills on the floor,” Fuentes said, adding that these are common signs that an aging loved one is in some sort of decline. “Another sign might be that they have stocks of something — they’re getting more and more of it at the store because they forget that they have it at home.”
Brookdale Willoughby’s executive director, Lori Bonarrigo, mentioned some other examples.
“If they’re not paying their bills on time,” she said. “Hygiene is another one. Are they taking their medication? If it was filled on the first and now it’s the 20th, are the numbers of pills adding up? Maybe they’re not socially engaged, not seeing their friends. Or, perhaps, their friends have all passed away or maybe a lot of things they used to do, they can’t now.”
Bonarrigo, too, mentioned that aging people often tend to hide signs of deteriorating health, be it emotional or physical, or both.
“A lot of times, they know they’re declining and they can hide that,” she said, using long distances between an aging relative and a caregiver as an example. “Let’s say you live in Florida and your mom lives in Ohio. When you call and talk over the phone and ask: ‘How are you?’ It’s easy for her to say ‘I’m fine.’ But, to have a conversation face-toface, what’s really going on with her is more evident.”
Lori Stevic-Rust, a clinical psychiatrist specializing in geriatrics, agrees that every time someone can physically visit an aging relative presents a critical opportunity to more reliably gauge that person’s well being than through telecommunications.
“The first thing, if you are a family member — an adult child or sibling, for example — yes, you can ask how they’re doing (over the phone),” said Stevic-Rust, who is director of senior services for Lake Health as well as president of the Lake County Council on Aging’s board. “But, in the absence of what you’d be seeing in person, you could be missing a lot of signs.”
Therefore, she said she encourages, particularly adult children, to visit older family members in person and engage in observation.
“Look into the house,” she said. “Ask questions about medications. Are there pills in the kitchen cupboard or on the counter? Is it apparent they’re not being used in a methodical way? Are they taking them the proper way?” Stevic-Rust said. “Check to see if bills are piling up. Are they paying their bills on time? Look around the house. Think to yourself: ‘My mom was always such a neat nick. But now the bathroom looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in months.’ Or: ‘Dad was always so clean and now he appears messy.’ You’re looking for a change in their baseline behavior — things that just don’t make sense.”
She added other examples including the presence of spoiled food around the house and the relative not seeming to notice, attitude and behavioral inconsistencies and memory issues.
“Spending time is important. I always think a conversation is a great way to determine (an aging relative’s) status,” she said. “You’re listening for the logic they’re telling you and what they remember. You’re looking for discrepancies, repetition. Take a more quiet, passive stance in the conversation and see how often things are repeated.”
She added that, with age, our abilities to multi-task and to recall things naturally decline.
“What is not normal is when a person loses information in a matter of seconds or minutes,” she said. “That is not a sign of aging. That is a sign of disease.”
Brookdale’s Bonarrigo and Fuentes have a mountain of advice to offer for what individuals and families can to do determine the next steps they should take and have their aging loved one take to safeguard his or her well being. Their suggestions range from working with siblings and other caregivers to discussing