AGING LOVED ONES

Here are things to look for when visiting an aging loved one: • Consistent weight loss with no underlying medical condition • When you visit, you find the stove on and unattended • Makes repeated errors with medication • Emergency medical service has been called to home on more than one occasion • Too confused to call for help • Increased instances of illnesses or recent hospitalizations • Diagnosis of dehydration or malnutrition • Refuses visits from family members to conceal deterioration • Insufficient finances to cover the cost of full-time private home care • Medicine cabinet contains many expired medications • Unable to prepare themselves nutritious meals • While normally outgoing, has become socially withdrawn • Doesn’t recall how they arrived at destination while driving • Neighbors report loved one wandering aimlessly

the situation with the loved one, themselves.

How they react to the approach has lots to do with their personalities, who they trust and how they’re approached, Bonarrigo said.

“It depends on their personality,” she said. “My grandmother, for example, thought everything her doctor said was gold. Or, maybe, it’s the one son they’ll listen to. I would definitely recommend partnering with a physician because nobody wants to be the bad guy.”

She said calling a doctor is one of the best first steps to take after realizing a loved one may need more help than he or she is getting.

“Maybe try calling a physician and saying: ‘I was just

in town and saw mom. I’m a little concerned.’ I would say any physician would be happy to help in that situation,” she said.

Fuentes concurred, adding that the sooner it happens, the better.

“The earlier you have that conversation, the better,” Fuentes said. “The longer you and your family wait, the more the chances are that something could happen. For example, the person could wind up falling or suffering some other kind of injury and wind up in a hospital or a skilled nursing facility. You want to do it before something like that happens.”

Bonarrigo and Fuentes both agreed it’s best to do some research. Find out what resources are available in your loved one’s community, whether it’s home-delivered meals, adult daytime programs, seasonal stays at a senior living facility or helping them him or her move into a senior living facility full time.

“You definitely want to be proactive as a family,” Bonarrigo said. “Because accidents can happen. They can fall. They can slip and trip and you want to be part of the decision. They want to be part of the decision.” Fuentes concurred. “You want to make those decisions because you and your family want to, not because you have to,” she said.

That’s where researching, planning and meeting really pay off, Bonarrigo said.

“You want to do your homework,” she said. “You want to be aware of what your resources are because, if something happens, you want to be prepared,” she said. “I mean, you’re already stressed out: ‘Oh my God! Mom fell! What do I do?’ That way, if you’ve done your homework, talked about it and planned it out with your loved one, you’re already aware of what resources are available. They’ve had the time and the tools to think about it and can be an active participant in making that choice, rather than just you making that choice for them.”