DNA match reveals unknown family relationship

DEAR AMY » I was tested by a DNA service that notifies participants of DNA relatives and their calculated degree of kinship.

I was stunned to receive notice that I have an adult niece I was unaware of.

One of my brothers is her father.

No one in our large family is aware of this, and I have not broached the subject with the brother I believe is her father.

He now is married with other (younger) children.

The young woman identified as my niece has not reached out to me and I believe it is important to respect her privacy, even though I think she knows from the DNA results and social media who her father is.

I am steeling myself to keep this information secret and leave it to my niece to contact her father if she wishes. But is that the right way to handle it? Your advice? — Worried

DEAR WORRIED » You should contact your brother privately and tell him about this match.

This is a simple fact of life, and he can either accept or deny it — that is not for you to judge.

You are simply giving him a heads-up, and I would imagine that he would appreciate this, even if at the time, he is too shocked — or bewildered — to express this to you.

He may not even be aware that he fathered a child.

You should not feel any pressure to contact this supposed-niece.

If she contacts you, you’ll have to decide what you want to do about it at that time.

If she wants your help to contact your brother, you should get her information and pass it along to him.

DEAR READERS » I still receive, read and appreciate “Ask Amy” postal mail.

I have a new postal address which some newspapers haven’t yet posted, so I am noting it here.

People wanting to write to me can address mail to:

“Ask Amy” PO Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.

Contact Amy Dickinson via email at askamy@ tribpub.com.