It’s time for roommates to air dirty laundry

DEAR AMY » I’m a young guy. I went to college in the same town I grew up in, so I lived at home through college. After graduating, I got a job away in the city where my best friend from high school lives. He suggested that we get an apartment together, and now we’re roommates.

Everything has been fine, except for this: On a few occasions, I have caught him wearing my clothes. I also noticed that he has been wearing my boxer shorts.

When I asked why he was wearing my underwear, he said he has been too busy to do laundry. He does work full time and is getting his graduate degree, but that is no excuse to wear my clothes (especially my underwear).

Is that normal? He laughs it off and says it is no big deal and that he and his roommates in college borrowed clothes, even briefs, if they fell behind on laundry.

I wouldn’t want to wear another man’s underwear, and don’t want someone else wearing mine. How do I tell him to stop?

— Bummed DEAR BUMMED » “Borrowing” is using someone’s belongings — with their permission.

“Taking” is helping yourself to another person’s belongings, because you feel like it. Your roommate is a taker.

Wearing your underwear raises the ante on the infraction. It doesn’t matter if the guys in the dorm did this. Your roommate lives in the world now, and so do you. It is time for both of you to start taking care of yourselves.

Here’s how your roommate can take care of himself: He should do his own laundry when it is soiled, like a big boy. He should wear his own clothes. He should respect adult boundaries, friendship boundaries and roommate boundaries.

Here’s how you need to take care of yourself: Use your voice. When you don’t like something, express yourself — plainly, firmly and respectfully. This is not a confrontation, but a simple stating of your own needs. Friends and roommates must be honest and respectful.

You two might be able to strike up a deal — if you’re interested. Because he is so busy, he might be eager to compensate you for doing his laundry.