Moms need kindergarten friendship skills

DEAR AMY » This past year, I made a new friend with the mother of a child in my daughter’s class. “Christina” is intelligent, interesting and funny.

I very much enjoy her company, and our children get along great. Sounds perfect, right? Except for this: Christina is constantly inviting us to do things, only to cancel.

She cancels at least three-quarters of the activities we plan. She will solicit our attendance, and then (usually at the last minute) remember something else she had planned, or her daughter will be too tired or not interested anymore, etc.

I understand that things with kids can be dicey. I know it’s normal for children this age to be fickle. The thing that bothers me is that this happens so often, and my daughter is inevitably disappointed.

Should I shy away from future invitations from Christina?

Should I say something to her?

She doesn’t seem to acknowledge that she is constantly letting us down after making plans. When they DO follow through, the girls have a wonderful time (as do the moms).

Can you shed some light on this?

— Wondering Mother DEAR WONDERING » Yes, children can be fickle. But guess how children learn how NOT to be fickle? That’s right — their parents teach them, both by example (by being reliable, themselves), and by words: “Hey, you’re going to go on that playdate because you said you would. Others are counting on you to do what you say you will do.”

“Christina,” might have OCD or a cognitive organizational issue that contributes to her unreliabil- ity, and so it’s possible that this tendency won’t easily be tamed.

You should speak to her about this. Say, “I’m someone who really needs to follow through, and it’s a roller coaster for me and my daughter when you cancel at the last minute.”

The natural consequence for this would be to not make advance plans with this duo. This does not necessarily preclude a nice friendship, however.

Spontaneous get-togethers might be the way to go for now.