Alcoholic friend should abstain from camping

DEAR AMY » I have a friend whom I have known since high school. He has recently been in recovery for drinking.

He is about six weeks into an outpatient system and has been doing well.

A group of friends (including my friend in recovery) has been going on two camping trips a year together. We have been doing this for over 20 years.

I have asked everyone that attends our camping trip to make this next trip (which is in two weeks,) alcohol-free.

I explained to them that I know he will have to deal with friends drinking in front of him eventually, but that it is too soon.

The reaction from some of the group is that I am being unreasonable and I should not be dictating what takes place on the camping trip. What should I do? — Campmaster DEAR CAMPMASTER » You are not responsible for your friend’s recovery. He is.

I applaud your supportive attitude and desire to help him through this, but the simple fact is that he should probably not attend the camping trip this cycle. It is probably too soon in his recovery for him to leave town and attend an event that will supply all sorts of triggers for him.

You cannot count on others abstaining from alcohol, and — if they are more attached to their relationship to alcohol than their relationship with him — they will choose to drink.

The most responsible thing is to tell your recovering friend that you have tried, but cannot guarantee that others will not drink. Encourage him to connect with his sponsor and perhaps attend support meetings instead of camping, but (of course) leave the final decision up to him.

You cannot count on others abstaining from alcohol, and — if they are more attached to their relationship to alcohol than their relationship with him — they will choose to drink.