Wedding in Las Vegas leads to work email feud

DEAR AMY » A work friend was getting married, and she decided to have her wedding in Las Vegas. I was not able to attend the wedding, but I made her bridal veil, and participated in a group gift from work friends.

Afterward, she sent a group email at work, thanking all of her “true friends” that “bothered to come to the wedding.” I received no thank you for making the veil.

I am hurt and feel like confronting her, but I’m not sure what to do. — Jilted friend DEAR JILTED » You are right, and the bride is wrong; wedding etiquette (and general decency) states that the bride and groom should send a thank-you note for any gift they receive. That includes a veil.

However, I don’t think you should hold your breath for a thank-you. In terms of confronting her, you may have to stand in line behind other colleagues who want to react to her rudeness.

Her choice to passiveaggressively email her co-workers (presumably through your work email system) about an out-oftown NON-work event is a poor one, and this could end up damaging her.

Think about it: you considered her a friend and you would like to confront her about her behavior. Imagine how other office folks felt receiving this email — people who weren’t on the best terms with her before this hit their inbox, some of whom may control her daily workload. Or people who did come to her wedding, who have now been roped into an email argument they wanted no part of, and are now busy deleting all their cute wedding pics from social media. Perhaps your HR representative saw this email, and would like to give this no-longer-blushing-bride a gentle reminder about your office code of conduct.

I get that you’re hurt, but don’t make the same mistake your co-worker has made and play this out at work. Instead, downgrade this relationship status from “work friendship” to “civil co-worker,” and remember this feeling: use it as a reminder to express your thanks, in writing, quickly and appropriately.

DEAR AMY » A couple months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of two years for someone else. I now see this as the biggest mistake of my life.

How do I convince my hesitant ex that we’re still meant to be together?

— Stuck in Love DEAR STUCK » First, I sincerely hope that you have apologized for the way you treated the man you dumped for someone else. If not, saying sorry is an important first step. A letter (or email) is a good way to do this. Keep it simple: Express your sorrow and regret over your behavior, and tell him you hope he can find it in his heart to forgive you. Tell him you miss him, and ask if he would be willing to meet you for coffee. Write it out, read it several times and wait a couple of days before sending.

Put yourself in his shoes for a moment: he got dumped and he has tried to move on, which can be a very difficult process. Just when he thinks he is moving forward, here you come, strolling down apology lane, claiming you’ve made a mistake. While you are convinced that the two of you are meant to be together, your ex may disagree.

If you are serious about trying to revive your relationship, then you will need to be respectful of his feelings and move at his pace. Leaving him for someone else is a serious breach of trust, and your hesitant ex may not feel like he can ever trust you again. Give him time to consider your apology.

Equally important, you need to fully accept the fact that you may never win him back. If he decided he doesn’t want to get together, you must accept that and respect his wishes. Wondering and worrying is the price you will pay for your own behavior.

DEAR AMY » “Sad Mom/ Grandma” was devastated at her kids’ inattention on Mother’s Day. She wants to be reimbursed for “services rendered” — cooking 100,000 meals over the years, etc. Her adult children seemed to do the minimum on this day.

I would rather get calls and visits throughout the year than an obligatory dinner on Mother’s Day. Luckily, I get both. — Happy DEAR HAPPY » Mother’s Day is an emotionally loaded day for mothers, stepmothers and the kids they raise. I understood this woman’s desire for a modest celebration, other than what she described as “obligatory” phone calls. I hope she gets what she wants.

DEAR AMY » My husband’s parents’ own a beautiful lake house where my husband and I have spent a week or two every summer for decades. Two years ago, my husband and I invited three couples — our close friends — to spend a weekend with us there.

Last week, a friend (who was part of the group that vacationed with us two years ago) texted me, saying that she and our other friends were planning on contacting my inlaws to “arrange dates” for the group to vacation at the lake house. She said that she knows my husband and I are busy and might not be able to join them, but they’d like to go this year, and don’t want us to feel like we have to host them. Essentially, our friends planned a vacation (without us) to our family’s house!

I contacted my mother and father-in-law, who are incredibly generous and kind people. They were shocked by my friend’s display of entitlement. I told my friend that my inlaws weren’t ready to open the cabin to friends unless family was present, and she replied that it was “fine.”

How do I let my friend(s) know that this request/demand was rude and presumptuous? How do I stop this from happening in the future?

— Offended and Annoyed DEAR OFFENDED » Wow, this takes entitlement to a whole new level!

You could deliver a stronger statement by responding: “This is a family home. Your choice to bypass us to solicit an invitation from my in-laws is ... surprising. I wish you hadn’t done that.”

If this person is aggressive enough to continue pushing, simply say, “No.”