Physician is told by teacher to heel himself

I am a physician and a widower. Most importantly, I’m the father of a brilliant and deeply inquisitive 12-year-old girl.

I have raised my daughter (by myself) since she was six months old. We are very close.

I noticed signs that she would soon be experiencing puberty, and I knew she would have lots of questions. I had a series of talks with her about things like hormones, body changes, romantic relationships and safe sex.

Before I started each of these conversations I told her that if she was uncomfortable talking to her dad about this, I would be happy to arrange it so she could talk to her doctor (who is a woman), or any other of the wonderful women I have worked hard to have in her life.

My daughter told me she would rather talk to me about these personal things.

I got a call from my daughter’s health teacher at her school, furious that I had “dared” to discuss menstrual products with my child.

The teacher called it “tantamount to child abuse,” that a male person (even a father) had discussed these things with a 12-year-old.

Amy, I know the information I gave my girl was correct, and I gave it to her in as objective, non-sensational and supportive way as I could.

Was I out of line here? Should I have left this conversation to my daughter’s pediatrician? — Worried Widower

First things first. If your account is accurate, then this health teacher should be brought up short. Teachers are “mandatory reporters”

My girlfriend and I have been together for about three years. We each have children.

Initially, I had a hard time treating all of the children as if they were my own. She had no problem taking mine on as her own.

I didn’t treat her and her kids the best, so eventually we split up over a period of about three months.

We got back together about six months ago, and I finally got my act together and am doing my part — but she is very cold to me, and says she can’t get over my past mistakes.

Do I give up and move on, or should I stick it out?

— Trying

Kudos to you for getting your act together. If the relationship between adults and all of the children in the household is positive and loving, the entire family will prosper.

You’ve been on the straight and loving path for six months, but what you are going through now is proof positive of what we all know: Cruel words and actions are powerful, and their effects seem to last much longer than everyday kindness.

Instead of cutting and running (again), you need to work with your partner, so that she can learn to trust you. Understand the depth of her hurt. Communicate with her — and the kids. Apologize to all.

She should not continue to punish you. Your family will grow healthy if you all exercise gentleness and forgiveness.

Thank you for your supportive answer to “Camera Shy,” who was being pressured by her boyfriend to submit to a nude photo. One additional aspect of this: depending on her age, a nude photo could be classified as child pornography, and could get her boyfriend arrested.

— Aware

Thank you for the addition.

(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson. com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.)

Contact Amy Dickinson via email at askamy@ amydickinson.com.