Is it safe to give toddler melatonin supplement?

DEAR AMY >> Over the last couple of months, a close single-mom friend of mine has very nonchalantly mentioned that she’ll give her toddler a melatonin supplement before bedtime a few times a month so the toddler won’t wake up in the night while my friend is out partying.

In my opinion, using any sort of substance, natural or otherwise, to get your child to sleep simply because you want to go out is horribly selfish and irresponsible on many levels.

I feel like the adult thing to do would be to talk to my friend about it, but she is having a hard enough time as a single mom and is pretty sensitive.

How do I tell her this bothers me without offending her? I’m at the point I don’t want to pick up the phone when she calls.

— Appalled & Concerned DEAR APPALLED >> Regarding the use of melatonin with young children, I shared your question with Dr. Dipesh Navsaria, a pediatrician at the University of Wisconsin.

Dr. Navsaria responds: “Melatonin plays a role in sleep and is produced by the body; there are no clear guidelines for supplemental use in children, but it’s generally recognized as safe at low doses. Occasional use as a part of treating consistent sleep problems is likely fine, preferably as advised by a health care professional.

“Melatonin is not a sedative, so we always emphasize that surroundings amenable to sleep are key when taking supplemental melatonin.

“I certainly wouldn’t count on melatonin to keep the child asleep — nor would I want anyone to use it if the child becomes ill and needs attention.

“I’m more concerned about the lack of willing adults in the home while the mother is out; awake or asleep; children need to be under the care of a capable, willing adult, which doesn’t seem to completely be the case here. I believe you’re right to be concerned.”

Dr. Navsaria and I agree that you should share your concerns, gently and without judgment. “Partying” implies activities inappropriate for parents of young children, but if your friend is just going out a few times a month, perhaps you could offer to help in some way. A once-a-month overnight at your house for the toddler would be generous.

(NOTE: There are other adults in the house while the toddler is sleeping, however, they don’t like being disturbed by a screaming toddler wanting to know where their mother is.)

DEAR AMY >> I’m a young adult and have been wrestling with a dilemma. My parents adopted me and my sibling from a foreign country. Our parents are wonderful, and we have had fantastic childhoods.

I am growing more curious about my ethnic and national birth heritage. I’d like to obtain my birth records in order to learn more.

My mom has a file with our records, but she is so sensitive about this — I don’t want to upset her by asking to see my records. What do you suggest? — Curious DEAR CURIOUS >> It is natural (and appropriate) for you to want to learn more about your birth heritage.

And even the most progressive parents sometimes struggle with the realization that their children have different DNA and ethnic histories than they do.

Your parents don’t see you as “adopted.” You are their child, plain and simple. Asking for your records will remind your mother of your reality, and this might be hard for her.

Understand this going in, and tell yourself that you are strong enough to accept and absorb her emotional reaction.

Don’t just demand your file. Ask your parents if they will go over your file with you. This will include them in the process, and prompt stories and feelings that they will want to share.

Let them keep the original, and you make a copy for yourself.

DEAR AMY >> “Unmerry Christmas” and her husband went to their daughter-in-law’s family home (at their son’s invitation) on Christmas morning, and were not made welcome.

What a shame that the hosts couldn’t simply laugh it off and offer hospitality!

My husband and I have had holidays and other occasions with surprises, such as: A Thanksgiving with four un-housebroken dogs, an unexpected Easter dinner visit from our daughter’s lumberjack friend in work clothes (complete with an axe over his shoulder) and former Army buddies who came for drinks and left two days later.

We laugh over those memories and hope that we and the house will hold up for many years to come.

— Still Smiling DEAR SMILING >> That’s the spirit!

You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @ askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.