Phone use at concert is not music to their ears

DEAR AMY >> My husband and I have season tickets to our local symphony. Before the start of each concert, audience members are asked to silence all cellphones and to NOT record any part of the performance.

During the last two concerts we attended, we’ve sat behind several people who have whipped out phones and recorded the concert.

Last time, one couple, besides recording, had rather loud conversations and proceeded to take “selfies” (in the dark). We were not the only people disturbed by this.

I do know that recording the performance upsets the musicians. (And the loud talking/photography bother the audience!)

Amy, could you please give a rundown of a few concert-going rules, and explain why there should be no filming of (any) public performances?

— Enjoying the Music DEAR ENJOYING >> Here is some very clear direction, lifted from the New York Philharmonic website (nyphil.org) >> “Audience members may take photographs before and after the concert, as well as during intermission and applause. Please note, however, that no photography or recording of any kind is permitted during the performance. Anyone seen using a camera, smartphone or other device for these activities will be asked to leave.”

And here is a quote from an article published in “Billboard” Magazine:

“Federal law ... imposes civil penalties for the unauthorized recording of live performances or the transmission or distribution of such. This is true even if the bootlegging is not done for commercial gain. The statute provides that anyone who engages in these prohibited acts is potentially liable for money damages. A court may also impound applicable recordings.”

Some popular performers are now requiring that audience members actually surrender their phones when entering a venue.

Performers and conductors have the right to perform without their intellectual property being recorded and possibly shared. Audience members have the right to enjoy a performance without being subjected to the obvious distraction of bright smartphone lights.

Selfish audience members need to understand that they are not part of the evening’s performance. No one is entranced by becoming an unwitting photobomb in their selfies.

Ask anyone around you to, “Please stop using your phones now.” If they refuse, get an usher immediately.

DEAR AMY >> Our daughter, a college freshman, had a very limited social life in high school. She was well-liked in school, but on weekends, perhaps because she didn’t drink or smoke, she was mostly at home (but not unhappy).

At the end of senior year, she met a boy and started dating. She was going out and having fun. Still not “partying,” though.

He was a nice boy, but not wildly ambitious. We remained neutrally supportive, knowing that she was going away to school. He works retail jobs, lives at home and is now smoking pot.

Meanwhile we found out (through a glitch in the family iMessage) that she’s seeing a guy in her college town. He’s not in college, but works in a sandwich shop.

We don’t know what to do. On the one hand we feel stupidly old-fashioned and classist; on the other we feel our smart, charming daughter deserves better.

Is there a way to talk to her about this? Or should we keep faith in her and let things take their course.

— New Old-Fashioned Dad DEAR DAD >> Yes, you are reacting to this relationship in a way that is oldfashioned and classist. The idea, for instance, that someone is not “good enough” because he is working — versus going to your daughter’s college — is patently ridiculous. He could be taking a gap year to care for an ill family member. He could be working at a sandwich shop until he can afford to pay for his own education. Or he might be an underachiever who has fantastic taste in women.

This relationship has nothing to do with you, until your daughter chooses to disclose it to you. Having a variety of relationships will be an important part of your daughter’s education. She must be “allowed” to explore and experience. And yes, you should definitely retain an attitude of supportive neutrality.

Amy Dickinson