Couple gets ready to face a big city problem

DEAR AMY >> My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years, and we are still going strong. We have talked about marriage and want to marry one day. I believe that we will be married soon.

I will graduate from medical school this year. It was always my plan to live in a small town or very small city closer to beautiful nature, as soon as I graduate. I despise life in the big city and have always looked forward to the day when I would escape it.

My boyfriend doesn’t want to live in a small town — ever. His career relies on him living in a city. He loves city life.

This is the biggest of several differences between us.

I’m ready to give up my dreams to be with him, and even though I love him deeply, I think I’ll be miserable.

I don’t want to lose him.

Will this doom us? What can we do?

— Desperate

DEAR DESPERATE >> A doomed relationship could be your liberation.

According to the Association of American Medical Colleges, the United States is projected to have a shortfall of up to 121,300 physicians by 2030, owing to older doctors retiring, and the increased needs of a rising number of elders requiring more doctors.

The physician shortage is most acute in rural areas. In small towns and small cities, your ability to provide health care will quite literally be a lifesaver. You will get to know your patients and their families. The fact that you are seeking a small-town lifestyle means that you will be personally happier, once you land in the right spot.

Over a decade ago, I left the big city and moved back to my rural hometown. Unlike you, I enjoyed life in the city — but this morning I walked through the snowy woods as the sun came up. Life in the country, and being around others who also embrace this (sometimes challenging) lifestyle, is a daily tonic.

Marrying someone you love while believing that you will be miserable is not a rational, healthy, or adult choice. You’ve already been together for seven years. Marriage will not magically transform your personal preferences or your life’s goals. Perhaps you two could agree to a year of a long-distance relationship, where you each live where you want to live. You could also research cities with outdoorsy reputations (like Boston, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, and Denver) that might give you each the lifestyle you want.

DEAR AMY >> When our niece was a young, single mother of two, we took her and her young children into our home, and — with the understanding that it was a loan — helped her financially. She has made no effort to repay the near $20,000 she owes (for car repairs, etc.).

She’s now engaged to a wonderful man (and pregnant again).

We want to warn her betrothed of her debts owed, but at the same time, we feel it’s not our place to “rat” on her. So, WWAD (What Would Amy Do?).

— Conflicted in CA DEAR CONFLICTED: HERE’S

WHAT I WOULDN’T DO >>

I wouldn’t “warn” a fiance of a debt unless I had tried mightily to collect from the person who owes it.

Your loan “understanding” might not even be a loan. Was this acknowledged in writing, or did you — out of the goodness of your hearts — take in a needy relative and her children and help this family to survive, with a vague understanding that you would be repaid some day?

You should communicate with your niece about this. If you have a valid agreement in place, review it with her and tell her that you expect to be repaid. Depending on what state the couple lives in, her debt will carry over into her new marriage and become the couple’s debt, and, yes, her fiancé should be told.

Communicate respectfully and attempt to negotiate a reasonable repayment schedule for this substantial amount. There are online services that could help you to formalize this loan, with promissory notes and repayment tracking.

DEAR AMY >> “Going Nuts in Niagara” complained about the neighbors feeding local squirrels, resulting in a large amount of empty peanut shells on their property.

You should have suggested that the neighbors feed the squirrels shelled peanuts. Why didn’t you?

— Wondering

DEAR WONDERING >> Mainly, I didn’t think of it. Feeding the squirrels at all was the true “nut” of the problem, but I agree that offering them peanuts out of the shell would have eliminated some of the mess.