Years after same-sex marriage ruling, one man’s fight continues

CINCINNATI » After the speeches and the celebrations and the interviews came something Jim Obergefell hadn’t experienced in years: quiet.

It didn’t come immediately after the U.S. Supreme Court ruling that required all states to grant samesex marriages. The fanfare after that historic decision — the one bearing Obergefell’s name — lingered far longer than he could have expected. But eventually, things slowed down and life began to feel normal.

Which meant Obergefell could finally grieve.

“When I found myself not rushing here, there, and everywhere, the grief started to hit, and the loss started to hit,” Obergefell said this week. “I thought I’d worked through a lot of it but when you don’t have those other things to keep you busy, you realize you’re still grieving.”

Last week marked the fifth anniversary of the high court’s decision in Obergefell’s landmark case. In those five years, studies estimate that about 300,000 same-sex couples have been married nationwide. That more than doubles the number of same-sex marriages in the U.S., where the unions had been allowed patchwork-style in some states but not others, prior to 2015.

With all the celebratory hubbub that followed, it’s sometimes lost that at the heart of Obergefell’s lawsuit was a death.

In July 2013, Obergefell married his longtime partner in love, John Arthur, who was gravely ill with Lou

Gehrig’s disease. Because Ohio at the time didn’t allow same-sex unions, the couple flew to Maryland to exchange vows.

Arthur died of the disease three months later, and Obergefell sued to be listed on the death certificate as Arthur’s husband. That case was one of six argued together before the high court. Obergefell was the lead plaintiff, meaning the case bore his name, though he was joined by dozens of other plaintiffs.

The whirlwind of that suit meant Obergefell was never alone with his thoughts. But as the focus has shifted to other minority groups, he’s had time to learn that, contrary to the self-help books, grief does not come in clean stages.

“That implies it’s the same for every person, and it isn’t,” he said. “I’m still grieving, I’m still processing.”

In April 2015, when the Supreme Court justices heard oral arguments, Obergefell and his fellow plaintiffs were treated more like celebrities than litigants.

People hoping to get coveted seats for the arguments camped out for hours outside of the stately building. Those who made it inside heard impassioned, nuanced arguments. One of the main debates was whether the courts should enter the same-sex marriage fray or let voters decide.

As Justice John Roberts wrote in his dissent (emphasis his): “The real question in these cases is what constitutes ‘marriage,’ or — more precisely — who decides what constitutes ‘marriage.’ “

He said states shouldn’t be forced to redefine “a social institution that has formed the basis of human society for millennia, for the Kalahari Bushmen and the Han Chinese, the Carthaginians and the Aztecs.”

He added: “Just who do we think we are?”

The plaintiffs’ lawyers argued that denying same-sex couples the right to marry was a violation of the 14th Amendment guaranteeing citizens “equal protection of the laws.”

“The answer then, as it is now, is that we’re talking about a fundamental right. We’re not talking about a discretionary policy decision,” Alphonse Gerhardstein, Obergefell’s Cincinnatibased lawyer, said.”

Gerhardstein recalled being in Washington, D.C., the day the ruling was announced. He called Cincinnati Mayor John Cranley with the news. Later that day, Cranley performed a public wedding to marry couples in Downtown’s Fountain Square.

The four justices appointed by Democratic presidents were joined by Justice Anthony Kennedy, a Republican appointee. Within two years, more than 150,000 same-sex couples got married, according to research from the Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law. According to U.S. Census estimates, there are more than 500,000 married same-sex couples in the country.

The impact of those unions has been more than cultural. Same-sex weddings have generated more than $3 billion over the past five years, the Williams Institute study estimates, which also said the weddings have generated some $244 million in state and local taxes and created nearly 50,000 jobs.