Hosts struggle filling the feed bag for kids

DEAR AMY >> Next week my sister will be visiting, along with her adult son, his wife, and three children. They will be staying with us for almost a week.

As I plan the menu, I have asked if anyone has any allergies or dislikes, as well as a coffee preference.

My sister is coming two days before her son’s arrival (as they live in different parts of the country) and wants to help with the purchase of groceries.

She has a very detailed list of exactly what they eat when they are at home, including highsugar, high-caffeine drinks for the oldest, who is 13 (who lives with them half the time and whose mother feeds him highsugar food and drinks).

I certainly don’t want to put anyone on a diet during their vacation, but also don’t feel it is necessary to provide “Red Mountain Dew” when we always have plenty of other beverages that are healthier and kid-friendly (Gatorade, for example). They also are requesting many other very specific items.

I want to be welcoming, have a great time, and make everyone happy, but is this a typical way to host a family?

We are accustomed to hosting families for cookouts and always provide a variety of healthy and typical summer fun food, so I think they may like our menu if they tried it. What is your take? - Humble Hostess

DEAR HOSTESS >> As a kind and concerned host, you will do your best to feed your guests, balancing their preferences along with your own. This does not mean that you need to cater to their every request. When children are present, yes, you will end up stocking some things you don’t normally consume. (I don’t usually eat popsicles, but I try to have them in the freezer when the kids visit.)

When children visit your home by themselves, you will control the menu, but when they visit along with their parents, their parents should take the lead when it comes to feeding them.

Your sister is arriving early, armed with her lengthy food list. You should let her handle and purchase whatever more exotic items are on the family’s list, including whatever atrocious drink the 13-year-old prefers. (Gatorade is not really a healthy substitute for Red Mountain Dew, by the way.)

If the children request something that you don’t have on hand, you can say, “Oh, we don’t normally eat Malted Chocolate Power Puffs for breakfast so I don’t have any in the house, but I can toast a mini-bagel for you.” If this becomes more of an issue, the parents and grandmother are on hand, and you can readily defer to them.

DEAR AMY >> Recently I let a friend borrow my carpet shampooer and it was given to her in immaculate condition, as I always clean it after using it. She returned it dirty and full of nasty dog hair. She didn’t even attempt to clean it out. She emptied the dirty water, but that was it!

Who does that? Now I have to clean it out and I’m disgusted.

Obviously, I won’t be lending it out again, but I do want to address it.

What can I say without causing a fight?

- Disappointed Lender DEAR LENDER >> In the future, before lending out something you value, it is helpful to let the person know what your expectations are. With a piece of equipment that might be unfamiliar (I’ve never used one), you should say, “Let me show you how to clean out the inside before you return it. That way you can get all the gunk out.”

At this point, you should say to your friend, “I really wish you had cleaned out the equipment before returning it. ‘Buster’s’ dog hair is everywhere.”

This should not lead to a fight, but an apology.

DEAR AMY >> “Disappointed” was dealing with a Florida relative who didn’t want to travel North for Christmas Day. Why must we celebrate these occasions on specific days?

When I realized my siblings and daughters-inloves had standing commitments for Thanksgiving dinner, I created my own celebration.

My “Day After Thanksgiving Dinner” celebrations have been a huge hit with all my family.

After more than six decades of consuming fattening and rich Thanksgiving food, I don’t enjoy eating or cooking it, so I’m free to be creative with my meal.

Plus, airline tickets are much cheaper if you fly on the holiday.

- Apres Celebration DEAR APRES >> Great suggestion. Thank you.

DEAR AMY >> Our son “Tom” received a heart transplant 10 years ago.

He’s done great. He is very diligent about

keeping in shape, taking his meds, and eating a healthy diet.

Tom’s wife “Tracy” works in a nursing home. Throughout COVID, they’ve both been extremely careful. Everyone in our family, including Tom and Tracy were vaccinated at the earliest opportunity.

Tom’s heart failure and subsequent transplant was the result of an acute viral myocarditis, so we have a healthy respect for the destruction that a virus can cause. Our family has been extra cautious because of Tom’s immunosuppressed status (and understand that because of that status, it’s likely he has reduced protection from COVID-19 even though he’s been vaccinated).

Next month, Tom and Tracy plan to share a beach house with her sister, sister’s husband, and their 3-year-old daughter.

Tracy’s father “Lou” will also be there and will be the only unvaccinated adult present.

Tracy says her father’s refusal to be vaccinated has caused some friction in their relationship and that, even though she’s disappointed in his choice, she doesn’t want to discuss it with him.

My husband and I are livid.

What’s our role here (if any)? We’d like to contact Lou to let him know how his decision affects not just him, but also Tom, Tracy, and potentially her nursing home residents, as well as his granddaughter, who is too young to be vaccinated. His decision could literally kill our son.

While it would be therapeutic for us to share our concerns, it’s unlikely to change his mind.

But saying nothing and giving him a pass doesn’t seem like the right thing, either.

What do you think? - Mad Mother

DEAR MOTHER >> It seems obvious that the two most medically vulnerable people in this beach house setup are your son and his father-in-law.

Yes, it seems at this point that you have little to lose in urging “Lou” to choose vaccination. No doubt, you would regret not speaking out if the elder man contracted the disease.

However, given your son’s extreme situation, his choice to attend this house party also deserves your careful examination (and comment).

As of this writing, the latest information from Dr. Rochelle Walensky, the director of the Center for Disease Control and Prevention is: “There is a clear message that is coming through: This is becoming a pandemic of the unvaccinated . ... Our biggest concern is we are going to continue to see preventable cases, hospitalizations and sadly deaths among the unvaccinated.”

Even TV personality (and professional vaccine underminer) Sean Hannity seems to have decided recently that, “Enough people have died. ... And it absolutely makes sense for many Americans to get vaccinated.” This is hardly a call to shotsin-arms, but it might be a start.