With Pride flag gone, a quest to understand
Steven Gonzales just wants to talk.
Last weekend, he said, someone stole a pride flag and the flagpole that held it from the front of his and his husband’s Bethel home.
Gonzales is not angry, but why would someone do that?
While we’re asking: Why would someone steal a Pride flag — and then its replacement — in Woburn, Mass.? Why would someone in Ledyard rearrange the letters in a church sign from “Black Lives Matter” to say “Black Lies Matter?”
It’s disquieting to have someone come to your door and remove a symbol like a flag, and this is, says Gonzales, the first time he’s felt uneasy in the Nutmeg State. In fact, he and his then-boyfriend-now-husband moved to Connecticut in part because of the state’s decidedly gay-friendly vibe. In 2008, the state Supreme Court overturned a ban on same-sex marriages, mak
ing the Land of Steady Habits one of just a handful of states that supported marriage equality at the time. The two-parts-legal-one-part-lyrical decision written by recently-retired Associate Justice Richard N. Palmer said, in part, “We cannot discount the plaintiffs’ assertion that the legislature, in establishing a statutory scheme consigning same sex couples to civil unions, has relegated them to an inferior status, in essence, declaring them to be unworthy of the institution of marriage.”
There followed legislation that protected transgender people, people who serve in the military, and a law banning so-called “conversion therapy” (really, it was torture) for LGBT youth.
The couple settled in and bought a gracious colonial house in Bethel that came with multiple fireplaces and great Revolutionary War stories. Gonzales got involved in the local historical society. Every June, for the length of Pride Month, they hung a pride flag outside.
Bethel is the kind of town you can settle into. The local pride parade was started a few years ago by local middle school students who were assigned to create a class project about social awareness. The girls chose LGBT issues. That first year, 500 people showed up. The following year, attendance doubled. Given the pandemic, this year’s event will be virtual, in August.
Gonzales noticed the missing flag and pole last Saturday. He hadn’t intended to call the police but the family had had a few things stolen from their porch last fall, so he called — albeit reluctantly. He even apologized by calling to report the loss of such an inexpensive item, he said, but the police were empathetic.
On a town Facebook page where Gonzales posted the news, the comments were overwhelmingly supportive. One man suggested bolting a 30-foot pride banner to the front of the house. Someone else suggested upgrading the couple’s Pride “flare,” and decorating their yard with Pride gnomes, and a rainbow pride door mat. One man wrote, “Sorry brother one person does not represent the town stay prideful.” A local Pride group offered to replace the flag to the couple could display it for the last few days of June.
A few people discussed whether the theft rose to the level of a hate crime, or whether this a stupid teenage prank along the lines of the frequent theft of a street sign marking Weed Road.
Gonzales wonders that himself, which makes talking to the person who took the flag that much more important. He grew up in Ohio, which has as many narrow-minded towns as any other state. And there, “a lot of people felt that way,” he said “They had anti-gay sentiments until they actually met someone. That’s always been the best way of making people realize that gay is no different. For the most part, that works, having an open communication, asking them about themselves.
“If it was just a petty theft, I would then talk about things we were taught when we were younger, ‘Stealing is bad…,’” said Gonzales. “But if it has something to do with anti-gay sentiment, I’d want to get a better understanding of where in the journey that person is that brought them to be so intolerant.”
Bethel police say if they find the culprit, the charge most likely would be sixth-degree larceny, the same thing they’d charge someone accused of shoplifting. That’s based on the cost of the flag, which is valued at less than $500.
Of course, there’s cost, and then there’s value.
“I just want to have a better understanding of what their motivation was to steal someone else’s private property,” said Gonzales. “Communication is key in an instance like this, and a friendly conversation could mean a lot to that person. It would be worth a shot.