Letter to my unborn son: What it means to be an American
I have a son. His name is Desmond. I have not met him yet, but my wife has been getting to know him. I found out about him just as I was getting ready to fly overseas to help with the forever wars. My wife is a nurse. She has been busy with the war on COVID. I am hoping to be home in time for the birth. My wife is hoping to take a few months off after. We both hope we get to know Desmond more.
Like most new parents we wonder what world our son will grow up in, and if we will be good parents. My wife has dedicated her life to helping people. I have dedicated mine to protecting a nation loosely defined by a piece of paper. Will the example we set be enough for Desmond to learn how to find his own success? Should we teach him to help others, protect those he can, and have faith in something? And what do we tell him about America, and being an American?
This election cycle has been chaos for everyone. Every incident, every statement by every person seems to be used by one side or another as justification for the moral rightness of the narrative they are trying to push. Everything is presented as an existential crisis. Looking from half a world away, talking to my wife over Signal about how she is doing at the hospital and with the pregnancy, it’s hard to tell what these sides are, or what they stand for. Few who are heard seem to have a set of foundational principles that underpin their goals, at least not ones they are willing to hold themselves accountable to.
What would I teach Desmond about all of this if he were here trying to understand? BLM, antifa, violence in major cities, foreign election meddling, the pandemic, right wing militias, transgender rights, religious freedom, how to be a man? What is America, and what are Americans? Why does dad risk his life for the first, and why does mom risk hers for the second?
This is what I would tell a son I love who I want nothing but the best for. This is what I would tell a nation I love, who I want nothing but the best for.
America is an experiment in self-government. It is defined by the idea that all people are created equal with certain inalienable rights; 244 years ago, a group of men got together and tried to create a form of government that balanced the ideal of individual liberty and human beings as they could aspire to be, with human nature as it was.
They got some key parts right. They made some hard, ethically and morally questionable compromises to get the project off the ground. They really screwed up some other parts. Everyone you ask will give you a different breakdown of which parts are which, and there is some truth to most of it.
But they wrote the ideal of individual liberty into the foundation of our government and ensured the right to debate and amend the structure of that government openly and with vigor. An ideal is a judge that will always find those who seek it lacking, and we have been dealing with the tension of that arrangement ever since. Tension is a tricky thing. It can hold things in balance, and it can tear things apart.
Desmond, you will hopefully have 80 good years or more on this planet. You are going to see a lot of things get screwed up. You are looking at a lot right now. As you navigate these chaotic times and those to come, there are some important things to keep in mind as you decide what to do. Never confuse being clever with being wise. Never confuse being loud with being correct. Never confuse might with right.
The value of America is not in whose political party is in power, what the tax rate is, or our status as a superpower. The value of America is in the ability to openly discuss complex, difficult ideas, and to take action to affect change in our communities. The type of political party in power will never be as important as the relationship you have with your family and your neighbors. It is important to always question authority and why certain people have it and do not. But with the right to question comes the responsibility to carefully consider the answers.
One day you will be old enough to enjoy comic books. Spider man was always one of my favorites. Hopefully, you will like him to, and you’ll learn and remember from Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben that “with great power, comes great responsibility.”
You will be born with the power of being American, with the privilege of having an open invitation to struggle. You will carry burdens in life, and you will experience tragedy. But there will be times where you can choose the burdens you carry. Choose wisely. There will be times when you will have the chance to recognize the tragedy in your life and others, and through malice or apathy, turn it into cruelty. Seek grace instead.
And remember, you, and America, are not defined by the failures of yesterday or the shortcomings of today, but by the promise to struggle for tomorrow.