There is no greater gift than forgiveness

It took many years for me to realize Christmas miracles aren’t just the stuff of “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “A Christmas Carol.” They’re not reserved for only George Bailey and Ebenezer Scrooge. They’re for all of us.

At this time of year, there are small miracles and big miracles. Friends reconcile, people struggling to pay their bills get what they need, families facing insurmountable problems suddenly find a solution. And even tragedy can become an occasion to see the good in people.

Let me tell you a story about the darkest Christmas of my life.

In 2002, we had one of the worst family feuds imaginable. My father and I had a bitter argument about my mother’s medical treatment. She had Alzheimer’s and was dying of cancer, and every day, her condition got worse.

I was so angry at him that I stopped going there for dinner on Sunday afternoons with our daughters.

And even though Christmas was a week away, I had no intention of visiting — that’s how resentful I was because I was convinced I was right. My wife lectured me and said, “We have to go give them their gifts.”

On Christmas Eve, we had planned to drive to New Hampshire for the holiday, and as much as I didn’t want to stop by and see my parents, I knew I had to.

When we arrived, my daughters hugged their grandparents, and my wife placed the presents under the tree. I kissed my mother but walked past my father and went into the kitchen.

A few minutes later, the unexpected happened. He came out and sat beside me. “How are you, Son?” he asked. “OK,” I said without looking up. Then, he asked me about work and the kids, and while we talked, my anger melted away, and a heavy weight was lifted from my heart.

When we were leaving, he said, “I love you, Son.” I answered, “I love you, too,” and in that moment, I was suddenly set free of that oppressive resentment.

It was snowing hard when we got to New Hampshire, so we lit the wood stove, decorated the tree and tried to enjoy a pleasant evening. But peace can be a rare commodity for us, and at one point our daughter, who had prepared the “seven fishes,” put the lobster in the microwave to heat it up. Who knew that would make it taste like a Michelin tire? Needless to say, a fight erupted.

To this day, I still think about how tormented my life would have been if my father died without our reconciling and I was forced to carry that anger and guilt with me for the rest of my days.

To escape, I went into the bedroom and fell into a deep sleep, but around 11, someone was pounding on the door. When I opened it, my daughter Dana was standing there, crying. “Grandpa died!” she sobbed.

The shock was overwhelming. My first thought was “You really destroyed this Christmas, God.” Then, I wondered, “What are we going to do?”

We’ve all suffered the agonizing loss of a loved one, and it’s something you think you’ll never survive. Sometimes it’s so sudden that it takes away your breath and drains you of hope.

Only days later, after the funeral, after we figured out arrangements for my mother, after the shock and grief were starting to subside, did I learn the whole story about that tragic Christmas Eve.

My parents had a wonderful dinner with my sisters and then went to see my nephew’s Christmas pageant. It was the first time my father had been to church in years. When they were driving him home, he said he was tired so he put his head on the seat and closed his eyes. But he didn’t wake up. An ambulance rushed him to the hospital, but they couldn’t revive him.

At midnight, my younger sister was sitting alone in the empty waiting room, and a young minister walked through. He sat down beside her and asked why she was there.

“My father died,” she told him. He paused a moment and then said, “What a wonderful gift to celebrate Christmas in Heaven.”

It was a wonderful gift. And so was the gift I received. It was the gift of forgiveness.

To this day, I still think about how tormented my life would have been if my father died without our reconciling and I was forced to carry that anger and guilt with me for the rest of my days.

If someone in your life needs forgiveness, reach out this Christmas. It’s the time of year to heal old wounds.

And have a joyful Christmas.