After tragedy, St. Joseph entering season with complex emotions
There will be a football season at St. Joseph High School in Trumbull and already it is the most challenging of coach Joe Della Vecchia’s career.
“Our kids are devastated,” Della Vecchia said.
There is no loss worse than a parent’s loss of a child. Let’s make that abundantly clear. There can be no pain comparable to the pain the family of Jimmy McGrath has felt since the murder of the Fairfield Prep junior in May.
A lacrosse and football player, McGrath would have returned for a final season for Fairfield Prep and his loss is a mighty blow to teammates and coaches who cared most for him. It is a hole that never can be filled. That, too, must be clear. Yet there also is a powerful and singular motivation to play for Jimmy, to excel in his memory.
For Della Vecchia and his staff, for his St. Joseph players it is emotionally more complex. Certainly, there is considerable sorrow for McGrath’s family and the Fairfield Prep community. There also is a longing that they somehow could have prevented what happened and the myriad of emotions that come when a friend and teammate finds himself in so much trouble.
Raul “Lito” Valle, who would have been a senior player at St. Joseph this fall, is charged with murder in the stabbing death of McGrath outside a home at Laurel Glen Drive in Shelton in May.
“It has been very difficult and very trying on our kids,” Della Vecchia said. “Our role is to be there for them. We’re not shying away from the issue with them. We’re talking and keeping open the lines of communication.
“Being in a situation like this, it is unprecedented for me and the majority of the people in this profession.
That's their friend, you know. The healing process is on-going for everybody. We've lost a lot of kids from it. Some kids had trouble dealing with it, coming back.”
Three days of organized team activities (OTAs) began around the state Thursday, marking the opening of the CIAC football preseason. Conditioning will start next week, and first contact practices will be allowed Aug. 20.
Della Vecchia gave his team off this week and when he starts up Monday he will count 45 players on his roster. St. Joe's, which has won 15 state championships since 1980, including three in a row from 2017-2019, with that few players?
For a variety of reasons, St. Joe's has lost 23 football players. Three of them, whose names were not released because of their ages, were arrested in July for their participation in an altercation outside the home of another party on Lazy Brook that led to the fight at Laurel Glen.
Several projected starters, including two of the best, are gone. An offensive line suddenly is being rebuilt. The players from Milford, Valle's hometown, are particularly stunned. This is all on top of the 22 players who graduated from a team that was ranked No. 2 in the state most of the year before a state semifinal loss to Windsor.
The schedule is daunting, especially in September and October. Darien, Staples, Masuk, Danbury, Greenwich, Ridgefield, New Canaan, Stamford, Westhill, Trumbull. Della Vecchia has a strong group of younger players, but instead of junior varsity a number of them will be in varsity uniforms this season.
There will be some who say, “Who cares?” Others may say worse. Emotions, understandably, remain high. Yet none of
us should surrender to the worst angels of our being. Those who taunt St. Joseph students on social media are badly misguided. Those who would taunt them at games this fall — the team is already girding itself — need to stop that kind of thinking. Now.
These young people are suffering, too. There have been several meetings. Counseling has been available.
“I think they feel better talking, getting their feelings out,” Della Vecchia said. “They don't understand, still, why this happened. Such a tragic thing that took place. I'm not an expert in any of this — by no means. I'm trying to be there for them to talk and support them.
“A lot of kids are like, ‘I wish I was there. I wish I could have stopped it. I wish I could have done this.' The only thing I can tell them is, ‘We can't be everywhere. We can't change the past.'”
FCIAC coaches have called for support. He has spent time in conversation with Fairfield Prep staff. Yet truth be told, Della
Vecchia has had some of those same feelings as his players … I wish I would … If only …
“Honestly, for us, we've focused during off-season workouts on trying to come together as a team,” Della Vechhia said. “Put our athletic goals in place the way we normally do. Try to keep the 2 1/2 hours every day focused on football.
“Off the field, you see it. They've been great. They show up every day to work out. They have tried to separate the two. We've talked about it. It's not a football thing. It's a kid who was on the team. It's not a St. Joe's-Fairfield Prep thing. It's not a St. Joe's-Shelton thing.”
It was young people in a disagreement that somehow, some way, became a murder and a horrible tragedy. Should the kids who got in the SUV at the Lazy Brook party and headed to the other party have thought for a moment and turned around? Of course, they should have. The first bad decision was going to there in the first place. Yet we see this type of thing reoccur in a variety of ways in recent years. Beefs continuing on social media lead to more conflict. In this case, it was fatal.
How much St. Joe's in Joe? He won a state title as a player. He won state titles as an assistant coach. He has won seven as a head coach, including two with his son Joe at quarterback.
You go to a St. Joseph's game. You see the parents with their colorful pre-game tailgates. The setting is almost idyllic. There are few better venues in state high school football. Starting in 1998, Della Vecchia rebuilt the program. He started with 26 kids. He did it by taking a family approach. There are a bunch of in-season and off-season committees that are run by parents. He built a powerhouse.
As late as 2019, St. Joe's finished No. 1 in the state in the GameTimeCT Top Ten poll. Della Vecchia has won all sorts of coaching
awards and none of them prepared him for this season.
“I've always tried to be available for the kids for everything in their lives,” he said. “I always tried to make myself part of what they needed. From this experience, so far, I feel like they need the coaches even more. We're the ones they trust the most.
“As a staff, we've always had open relationships with our kids. They can count on us. We're always going to be there for them. Football is just part of their high school experience. Their lives, moving forward, we're trying to make them be better people and get to where they want to go.”
Della Vecchia has sat with many St. Joe's students, uninvolved in the incident. Kids he hadn't met before have come to his home, sat in his den and talked. He tries to tell them it is not their fault. They didn't do anything wrong.
“I'd hate to see anyone else go through this,” Della Vecchia said. “Our kids are hurt as well. They are trying to cope with it.”
He obviously cannot talk about the specific events of that horrible night, what he may know, what the video may show. Yet even in talking about the healing he hopes that an article does not make the situation worse.
Some of his kids have asked about wearing a sticker on their helmet or a patch on their jersey with McGrath's initials in tribute. Della Vecchia has told them they'll think about it. He knows it is a good idea. He also does not want the team to draw attention to itself and appear to be only making itself feel good by doing it. He wants any tribute to be pure.
“None of this has been easy,” Joe Della Vecchia said softly.
None of it.