Outspoken guest ruins get-togethers

Dear Amy: My spouse and I socialize with a group of about 12 people, several times a year. One person in the group, “Jon,” is quite outspoken on all issues.

We purposely avoid discussing politics, but Jon can overreact regarding many different social issues and current events.

Jon will assert his opinion, but when someone else brings up an opposing view, Jon gets vocal, sometimes shouting, calling people sophomoric names, gesticulating, and often — and repeatedly — telling others that if they don’t like the way things are right now, they are welcome to leave the country.

The host and hostess are silent during these episodes.

This situation is extremely unpleasant and ruins the evening. How do you suggest we handle these events and/or this person? We are considering declining future invitations.

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: We parents are forever telling our children to stand tall against bullies, and yet here you are saying you would stay home rather than ask someone you are dining with to change his tone and convey even minimal manners.

One or both of the hosts should step in when this is happening to say, “Jon, you’re a guest here. Please lower your voice, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t insult people at our table.”

Furthermore, if you are at a group event in the future and Jon behaves this way (and you genuinely believe he has ruined the evening), you should tell him so, either in the moment or afterward, when you can choose your words carefully: “Jon, last night you shouted at your friends and insulted several of us. Your behavior ruined the evening for me. This is not the first time. You don’t seem to enjoy these get-togethers, and I know I don’t enjoy them when you behave that way.”

Dear Amy: I disagree with your advice to “Teacher,” who ignored her parent’s “bigotry” at family gatherings. I could not believe that you told this woman to openly disrespect her 80-year-old parents!

Upset

Dear Upset: These elderly people were behaving disrespectfully, with no feedback from their daughter regarding how their statements had been received over the years. I believe she owes them an honest reaction.