Girlfriend keeps her partner off-kilter

Dear Amy: I have been in a same-sex relationship for almost three years with “Paula.” I love everything about her. Paula said that I was smothering her, that I was boring, that I am lying to her (but I have no reason to lie), and that I went through her things (and I have no reason to go through her things).

Paula said that she needed space. She thinks my daughter is disrespecting her (when she’s not).

Is it me? Is there someone else? Is it a trust issue?

She gets angry if I don’t call her, but I’m confused because when I call and text all the time she says I’m smothering her. When I don’t call and text all the time she says things like, “You must have someone else.” I’m like, “Huh, what? Like what do you want?”

She makes me cry and hurts my feelings, and she doesn’t seem to care.

What do you think is going on here?

Hurt

Dear Hurt: If your narrative is accurate, I’d say that Paula is an abusive girlfriend who is using your insecurity and the power deficit in your relationship to gaslight and control you. Keeping you consistently off-kilter is paralyzing you, thereby keeping you in place.

That’s what I think is going on.

The question now is — what are you going to do about it?

This relationship is unhealthy. Paula is toxic. Staying in this relationship is emotionally damaging, and the longer you stay, the greater damage is done.

Dear Amy: I could not believe your awful fat-shaming response to “Starving and Fat,” who was overweight but had an eating disorder. You said that any doctor would understand that all overweight people have eating disorders.

Reading that, I was completely disgusted.

Disgusted

Dear Disgusted: My answer was the opposite of fat shaming. “Starving and Fat” was currently overweight but thought her bulimia had resurfaced.

My supportive response was that any competent doctor or nutritionist could very easily recognize that an overweight person could also be suffering from an eating disorder. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I apologize if the wording of my response created confusion.