Conn. marks Problem Gambling Month by expanding betting

Soon we will have so much betting, you will get tired of betting.

The Lamont administration — in a series of gritty negotiations with the Mashantucket Pequot and Mohegan tribal nations — hammered out the following very promising deal:

Pending several other approvals, soon money will begin falling out of the sky, and the tribes will be allowed to keep most of it.

Also, Connecticut must return all the land currently constituted as the towns of Sterling and Gales Ferry. (This is not as bad as it sounds because Sterling is infested with interdimensional monsters entering through its space-time portal, and Gales Ferry is, I believe, primarily a shell corporation.)

In return, the state will get roughly one-fifth of the money that falls into the tribes’ hands and will retain the right to place a lower case “i” in front of certain capitalized words, including but not limited to iGaming, iLottery, iCasino, iBysiewicz and iYiyi.

The tribes must also drop their plan to build a minicasino in the Potterville section of East Windsor, a project known variously as Tribal Winds or Operation Vacant Lot.

All in all, a good day’s work.

I was disappointed by the failure of either side to embrace my proposal for parimutuel wagering on a game in which Hearst columnist Dan Haar and a mechanical rabbit race around a track, but you can’t have everything.

To further clarify, the tribes will be allowed to conduct online casino gaming, wherein you could place bets from your phone, assuming you are physically in Connecticut. (If you have been drinking, ask someone standing nearby.)

The Mohegan tribe had agreed to pay 20 percent of that revenue, but the Mashantuckets came up with a subtle counter-proposal which consisted of, “Would you take 18?”

The Lamont administration held firm, saying it would absolutely not accept 18 percent after five years of accepting 18 percent. For the first five years, yes, it would accept 18 percent, but after that, it would skyrocket up to 20 percent, and don’t even bother asking for mercy, because we’re playing hardball here, guys.

That’s telling ’em! (My editor John Breunig tried to tack on an amendment that would impose a 10-cent surcharge on every published exclamation point, but our lobbyists beat that one back.)

The agreement includes separate arrangements for sports betting, which the tribes would also operate and pay a 13.75 percent tax to the state.

Here it gets a little complicated. The Connecticut Lottery Corporation “March is Problem Gambling Month. Try Our New Wild Ball Hot Numbers Aces High Game! Bet On Which Mario Brother Will Die First!” is also allowed to operating sports betting and to issue up to 15 licenses for sports betting venues to private gaming operators.

One possible recipient of such a license is Sportech, which operates multiple off-track betting facilities in Connecticut. Any agreement with Sportech should stipulate that all signage for its betting venues, which are called Winners, will henceforth include quotation marks. Full disclosure: I have placed numerous unsuccessful Kentucky Derby bets at the Hartford Winners, which is annually “in the conversation” for Top Ten Saddest Places on Earth.

Sportech also operates, in two Connecticut locations, Bobby V’s Restaurant and Sports Bar, where you can bet on things such as jai alai and greyhound racing while eating and drinking.

This is off-topic, but I feel obliged to remind everybody that in 2011, the mayor of Stamford appointed Bobby Valentine as the city’s Director of Public Safety, which placed him in charge of police, fire and emergency management. Later that year, when Hurricane Irene smashed into Stamford, the director of public safety was in Arlington, Texas, as part of the ESPN team covering a baseball game.

This should never be forgotten

For some reason, Sportech is unhappy with the deal. The company said in a statement, the arrangement with the tribes does not provide a “level playing field.” Expect a lawsuit. There were always going to be lawsuits, no matter how this thing got worked out. I would be willing to cut Sportech in on my Danny and the Rabbit ™ game if that would smooth the way.

The Bureau of Indian Affairs and the General Assembly must also approve the tribal deal. I foresee no problems.

And then we will have so much betting! So much betting! They’re not exclamation points, Breunig. They’re Freedom Points!