Man’s secret wrecks wife of 30 years
Dear Abby: I have been with my husband for 41 years, married for 30. I have just learned he has a son who is two months younger than our son. The mother is a woman he slept with while I was pregnant with our first child. She put the baby up for adoption, and the young man has just reached out to my daughter. My husband claims he didn’t find out about the child until after he was relinquished, and he didn’t believe the woman ever really gave birth.
I am devastated. I feel like my entire marriage to him has been a lie. He says after we were married 31 years ago, he never cheated on me, and I should move past it.
What do you think I should do?
Unable To Let It Go
Dear Unable: You have my sympathy. I agree with your husband that you need to move past this, but that doesn’t mean you should forget it.
If his behavior since your wedding has been as exemplary as he claims, you should be able to review his financial records and see where the marital assets have been going. He should also be willing to discuss this in the office of a licensed marriage and family therapist. If he is unwilling to do this, it is another red flag, and you should consider consulting a lawyer.
Dear Abby: I’ve been Christian all my life. When I married my husband 22 years ago, he was too. We raised our kids in the same faith. Well, he has recently decided he will no longer practice Christianity. I never would have married someone outside my faith. How do I continue in this marriage?
Faithful In Oregon
Dear Faithful: Because of your own deep religious beliefs, this may be something to discuss with your religious adviser. Some couples in these circumstances adopt a “live and let live” attitude, which means you follow your Christian path and allow your husband to follow his.
Dear Abby: My sister-in-law emailed me Christmas lists for my niece and nephew. Abby, I didn’t ask for them. Of course I will be giving gifts to both my nephew and niece, but I think it was presumptuous of her. How can I respond to this in the future?
Dumbfounded In Florida
Dear Dumbfounded:
Handle it by sending gifts of your own choosing to your niece and nephew. If you receive any more links in the future, do the same thing.