Woman gets crowded out of bedroom

Dear Abby: My boyfriend, “Paul,” and I have been together for 18 months. We are both divorced and each have two children. Mine are in college. His are in elementary and middle school. They stay overnight with him on the weekends.

When they are there, I go home and sleep at my place. Over the last few months, Paul has asked me to stay the night when they are there; however, he wants me to sleep on the couch because they sleep in the bed with him. A few weeks ago, he announced, “I’m going to talk to them about you and me sleeping in my bed together and see if they are OK with that.” Since then, I have heard nothing, so I continue going to my own place at night.

Is it acceptable for children to decide if Paul and I sleep together?

Confused in Kansas

Dear Confused: No. They are not the ones who should make that decision. As the adult in the family, that privilege should be Paul’s.

Dear Abby: Twenty years ago, I had a falling-out with my siblings and my mother. I was in an emotionally and physically abusive marriage. They wanted me to leave, but after seven years of his brainwashing, I was convinced that no one cared about me but him and that I would end up on the street alone and unable to live without him.

Long story short, I haven’t spoken to my family in 20 years. I escaped that marriage five years ago, and my mother and I slowly began rebuilding a relationship over Facebook — I’m in Michigan, and she’s in New York. Three months ago, she passed away.

One of my siblings unfriended me and my daughter from my mother’s Facebook before they posted that she passed away. I heard the news from one of my friends who was also FB friends with my mother. Someone I know is saying I should reach out to my siblings and try to rebuild a relationship. Thoughts?

Like An Only Child

Dear Like: That your siblings would unfriend you and your daughter from your mother’s Facebook page so you wouldn’t know she was gone was shameful. If you want to reach out to your siblings, by all means do so, but before you do that, please talk with a licensed mental health professional. You have suffered much pain and rejection from your abusive husband, and you may encounter more from your siblings, so before you approach them, be prepared.