Newborn’s name stirs pain of affair

Dear Abby: I recently gave birth to our second child, a girl. Shortly afterward, my husband called his mother. She lives in a different state hours away and visits only once a year. When he told her our little girl’s name, which we had kept a secret, she became very upset. It seems the name we had chosen, unbeknownst to us, was that of her husband’s mistress from years ago.

For days afterward, she would call my husband crying and pleading with him to change our baby’s name. She told him she would never speak that name. A week later, we received a generous gift of baby clothes in the mail from her. At this point, she hasn’t checked in with me, the one who gave birth. She refuses to acknowledge our baby’s name and will refer to her only as “little one.”

I don’t know how to thank her for her generous gift, as normally I would just call her. But it’s clear she doesn’t want to hear from me. Could you please advise how we move forward?

Wrong Name in Pennsylvania

Dear Wrong Name: If your mother-in-law’s solution to the problem is to refer to her granddaughter as “little one,” accept it. It seems very loving, actually. And when you write her a lovely thank-you note for her generous gift, sign it, “With love from (your name) and “Little One.”

Dear Abby: I am a happily married gay man in my 50s. About a year ago, I was contacted on Facebook Messenger by a man in another state, and we have developed what I consider a casual friendship. My new friend has cerebral palsy. He lives with family and requires total care for his mobility and self-care. He has normal cognition.

I have an active social life and chat here and there with him nearly every day, but I know I’m a much bigger part of his life than he is of mine. He refers to me as his best friend and says he needs his time with me. He is gay, but closeted, and he knows I’m married.

I don’t want to lead him on, but is it OK for me to keep casually texting? I feel like I’m his only friend.

Uncertain in Tennessee

Dear Uncertain:

It would be a kindness. But it would ALSO be a kindness to encourage him to widen his circle of friends.