Woman hurt to be kept at arm’s length by sister

DEAR ABBY » I have spent years trying to have a close relationship with my older sister, but it is clearly not a priority for her. We are very different people, but I was hoping our shared history and family bond would be enough for her to prioritize me and my son. We come from a very small family on both sides and, one day, we will be some of the few remaining family members.

I haven’t heard from her in months during the pandemic, which has been hurtful. I’m a working single mother, trying to take care of my son during this dark time, and she hasn’t bothered to check on us even once.

She once told me that the only things she cares about are her own son and her dogs. I don’t understand how she can have such a loving heart for animals but no concern for her own family.

Growing up, she was jealous of me, but I thought things would be different after I struggled with a divorce and other life stressors. I received no support from her during my divorce. In fact, she seemed to take my ex’s side despite his having emotionally abused me for years.

Should I expect that we will ever have a closer relationship or just accept that it won’t happen?

— Hurt in Alabama

DEAR HURT » You stated that the two of you are very different people, but on some level you haven’t allowed yourself to accept what that means. You will be hurt less once you accept that your fantasy of closeness with her will never happen.

For whatever reasons, she isn’t capable of giving you what you need. You will find the closeness you crave by developing stronger relationships with your friends.