Couple at stalemate in ‘contactless’ marriage

DEAR ABBY » My husband and I are both enlisted Army (he — 20 years, two Iraq deployments; I — 15 years, one Iraq deployment). We met in the service and have been married for 10 years.

Three years after our wedding, my husband told me he was no longer physically attracted to me. It hurt. It has been seven years since that day, and we’re still together. I don’t feel loved, appreciated or valued. Emotions don’t come easy for me. I have always been open about my thoughts and feelings, even the painful ones.

Since that day, I resent him. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just “get over it” and continue to live our lives. I don’t have a family of my own, and we have no children together. Must I appreciate the friendship we have, or is it time to push for a meet-inthe-middle resolution?

— Unappreciated in

Pennsylvania

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED »

That you would feel resentment after what your husband told you is normal. It appears that intimacy is either unimportant to him, or he is finding it elsewhere.

Your self-esteem may be below ground level, but you have a right to be able to feel loved, appreciated and valued. Where you need to meet is a lawyer’s office so you can officially end a marriage that died seven years ago.

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