Falling-out with group puts wife in awkward spot

DEAR ABBY » I’m married to the most patient, loving and wonderful husband in the world. Recently, I had a falling-out with his friend group. I admit I was not a good friend due to mental illness, and I know I may never earn their forgiveness. I’m taking responsibility for my actions and seeking help. Now I want to move on and forget I ever knew them.

The problem is, my husband still hangs out with them. He defended me when they talked negatively about me, and continues to support me in all my struggles, but they’re still buddy-buddy as if nothing ever happened. I can’t help but think how awkward it is that he hangs out with a bunch of people who hate me.

The last thing I want is to break up a friendship, and I know it’s petty to be angry that my husband still hangs with them, but it still leaves a sour taste in my mouth. How can I learn to let go knowing they will be a constant presence in my life and a reminder of how horrible I was?

— Keeping Distance

DEAR KEEPING » You have a mental illness and you acted out. Your illness caused it, and it does not make you a bad person.

You cannot wave a magic wand and expect this to go away. You have already taken an important first step by admitting to yourself that you have a mental illness. If you are now in treatment, you have also taken the second step. When you are strong enough, apologize

You should not expect your husband to drop his friends because you messed up. They probably WILL be present in your lives for the foreseeable future, but that doesn’t mean you will always be at odds.