Long friendship takes stark turn over finances

DEAR ABBY » A friend of 40 years is always saying what she can’t afford, yet she owns property, has a 401(k), always finds additional work in her field and buys the cheapest groceries. She won’t spend a dime, even when it’s necessary.

In a recent text she was going on again about money. When I (jokingly) quipped, “You’re probably a millionaire by now!” she jumped on me as if

I’d called her the B-word and went off on a rant. I was dumbfounded. I apologized because she felt I’d badly offended her by calling her a “millionaire.” When she didn’t respond, I left it alone. This was a few days ago. This morning I got a text from her as if nothing happened.

I’m no longer feeling like I’m her “friend.” Looking back, she was never a good hostess when I flew out of state to visit her. Nor has she ever treated me for lunch or dinner, although I was happy to treat her to lunch when she came to visit. I don’t feel the caring, generous, giving aspect that usually goes with long-term friendship. When she was down financially, I offered. I haven’t experienced the same from her. I feel shot down and ready to call it quits. Your expert advice is most appreciated and needed.

— Falling out of Friendship

DEAR FALLING OUT » Before ending a 40-year friendship, please TELL this woman she hurt your feelings. Then ask why your casual comment triggered such a strong reaction. Her response to your reasonable question will tell you everything you need to know about whether your relationship is salvageable.