Wife of three decades has never ‘initiated it’

DEAR ABBY » After 28 years of marriage, is it strange that I would like my wife to initiate sex? I would like to know that she is interested, not just me. When I brought it up three weeks ago, her response again was, “We can whenever you want to,” which wasn’t true because I have been turned down before. Any suggestions?

— Frustrated in the

Bedroom

DEAR FRUSTRATED » I hope your wife is intelligent enough to recognize a red flag when it’s waved in front of her. It’s more likely she no longer has a strong sex drive at this point in her life, or she may never have. Also, she may not know HOW to initiate and need coaching. If you can’t teach her, enlist the aid of a sex therapist.

DEAR ABBY » I live on the opposite coast from my family. During the pandemic, my youngest brother and his wife bought a new, very large house. He told me they had plenty of room and, the next time we come for a visit, they want us to stay with them. Well, that visit will be in November, but no invitation to stay has been extended. Should I remind my brother about his invitation, or should we just book a hotel? What should I do?

— Big Sis in California

DEAR BIG SIS » Ask your brother if his offer still stands, since it has been some time since he extended his “generous invitation.” Listen carefully to his reaction. If you sense that he may have forgotten or the situation has changed because of COVID, tell him it would not be a problem for you to book accommodations at a hotel if it’s more convenient. Doing this should not cause hurt feelings.