Weight loss doesn’t take sting out of observations

DEAR ABBY » During the last year, I made some significant changes to my life. I left an emotionally abusive marriage after 23 years, which gave me the confidence to take better care of myself. I have lost 70 pounds and am almost down to the weight I was in high school. I am very proud of this.

My issue is my family has now started using my former weight as a measuring stick. I am often told things like, “You should see your cousin. She’s almost as big as you were!” which is quickly followed by an offhand, “No offense,” which tells me they know it offends me. I said as much to them at first, but the insulting comparisons continue.

It’s not just one person saying this; it has actually become the family standard. I know I was very large, but this is extremely hurtful. I find myself avoiding family visits because the subject seems to invariably come up in some way. Is there anything beyond what I have already tried that can convey the distress this causes? — Former Fat Relative

in Missouri

DEAR RELATIVE » Your relatives have been told that alluding to your former weight problem causes you distress. That it continues tells me they are thoughtless at best, not to mention rude and inconsiderate of your feelings. Because you can’t change their behavior (and neither can I), the logical solution is to do what is best for you and see less of them.

Contact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To order “How to Write Letters for All Occasions,” send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)