Road trip with friends doesn’t go as planned

DEAR ABBY » Recently my husband and I invited a couple that we are close with to accompany us on a 10-day bus trip. After the first couple of days, they started doing everything on their own — going to dinner, excursions, etc. We noticed it right away, and wondered what was going on. After a while we began doing our own thing and leaving them alone, which they appeared not to mind.

Now that we’re back home from the trip, we’re having trouble getting over the fact that we were almost completely ignored during the entire trip. It’s not that we cared that they did things on their own, but when we invited them it was so we could spend some time together and at least have dinner together.

We’re thinking of ending the friendship and seeing them only at group gatherings, but we hate to end a more than five-year friendship. I must add that they’ve done this several times prior to the bus trip, but other friends were with us, so we let it go. They are both reserved and loners. Of course, we’ll never travel with them again, but how do we go about even having a friendship with them?

— Feeling Ignored

DEAR FEELING » Let this go. Do not excommunicate this couple because they didn’t live up to your expectations. Now that you know the extent to which they are “reserved loners,” plan your social lives accordingly. Enjoy them with others to the extent that you can, and see them for brief encounters, preferably ones that include other couples.

P.S. I travel only with friends I know very well and with whom I know I am compatible. Before the trip, I make sure to discuss my expectations with them and am clear about theirs.