Dinner-and-drinks invite makes teetotaler uneasy

DEAR ABBY » My husband, “Dan,” and I do not consume alcohol, mostly because of our family history. Several years ago while Dan was at a work event, a consultant, “Ken,” took him and some co-workers out for dinner. Ken ordered a bottle of wine for the table. Not wanting to cause a scene, my husband drank the glass poured for him. Now Ken has invited Dan and me to join him and his wife for an evening out, and he wants to “meet early for drinks.”

Dan is sure Ken will buy another bottle to share. I think Dan should give Ken a heads-up beforehand. Dan thinks it would be rude to refuse a drink and doesn’t want to have to go into an explanation as to why. We don’t care if the people we are with drink alcohol. Is there a polite way to decline?

— Respectfully Decline

DEAR RESPECTFULLY » It is perfectly acceptable to refuse alcohol. If a server asks your husband what beverage he would like, your husband should state his preference — be it sparkling water, etc. There is no shame in it, and it isn’t rude. That the host is providing alcohol is not a mandate to indulge, particularly if the guest has a problem with it. If Ken pushes, Dan should simply tell him the two of you generally prefer not to drink alcohol.

Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)