Parent of child isn’t ready to get married

DEAR ABBY » My girlfriend, “Dyanne,” and I recently had a baby conceived not long after we started dating. While I love my child with all my heart, Dyanne is constantly dropping hints that she wants an engagement ring or a “promise ring.” I understand why because she has explained her reasons. But she’s pressuring me to provide something I believe should come when I feel comfortable doing it.

While some would say I don’t act like it, I’m traditional in some ways for a millennial. I believe that when I give someone a ring, it should be because I plan to marry her. I don’t consider marriage the way most do, and think I can just get divorced and it’s no big deal.

Am I wrong to stall until I feel ready to actually propose and not just say, “Sure. One day we will, and here’s a ring in the meantime”?

— Unengaged in

California

DEAR UNENGAGED » Nowhere in your letter did you mention that you love Dyanne. You should not give her a ring and keep her in a holding pattern if you aren’t sure you want to follow through with the commitment. Be honest. Tell her you care about her and love your child and intend to responsibly co-parent with her, but you are not ready for marriage and don’t know when you will be. That’s the truth.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)