Wife feels at end of line with drunk hubby

DEAR ABBY » I got pregnant at 15 and had my oldest daughter at 16. I met my husband at 18, and went on to have four more daughters. I have been with him for more than 30 years (I just turned 49).

My girls are living their own lives now. The thing is, now that I’m alone with my husband, I have come to discover that we have nothing in common. I want to leave him, but I have no money, no car and no job. I have become someone I never thought I would become — alone with no life!

My husband ignores me and drinks a lot. When we visit family, it’s a freefor-all drunk fest for him. I just don’t have the energy at my age to deal with a drunk. I dealt all my life with an alcoholic father and I don’t want to do it anymore. How do I begin to rebuild my life and start over? I really need to do this for myself.

— At a Crossroads in Ohio

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS » I agree that rebuilding your life is something you need to do for yourself. The surest way to accomplish it would be to get a job. This may eventually equip you to survive on your own. If you need transportation, ask your daughters for help, or take public transportation.

If you prefer not to attend “family” gatherings, have your husband go alone. Your father’s alcoholism may have contributed to the fact that you married someone with an alcohol problem, thinking it was “normal.” If that’s the case, consider finding a nearby chapter of Al-Anon (al-anon.org/info) or Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (adultchildren.org) and attend some of the meetings. They are sometimes held online, so you could do it on a computer, if necessary.