Dad dating ex-wife causes daughter to feel betrayed
I have a complicated family situation. My dad was married to a woman named “Cynthia” for 16 years until they divorced. He met and married my mother the next year. My parents were married for 40 years, until Mom died of cancer a year ago. Since her death, I have gone with my dad to a few holiday events hosted at his other daughters’ houses, where we saw them and Cynthia. Everyone was cordial and welcoming.
A few days ago, Dad told me that he and Cynthia are dating, and he asked me to wish them luck. My immediate reaction was “Why?!” I left immediately and have ignored his phone calls ever since.
I cannot express how upset this made me. I realize he’s a lonely old man who would like to maybe start dating again, but his ex-wife? It feels like a total betrayal of my mother and me, like we were only some sort of intermission from his first family.
There are so many reasons why this feels like a sad and terrible idea, up to and including the havoc it will wreak on all of his daughters if something goes wrong again. I feel like he hasn’t taken into account anyone’s feelings but his own.
BILLY GRAHAM
Am I selfish to feel this way? Is there anything I can do to stop this dead in its tracks? I don’t want to be the bad guy, but I will never be OK with this.
If you are never OK with this, you will punish only yourself. Your father’s divorce from Cynthia appears to have been amicable. His attraction to her may have more to do with the fact that he is drawn to someone familiar than any lack of feeling for you and your mother.
Instead of punishing him by ignoring his calls, I urge you to talk to him. What he’s doing isn’t disrespectful. He has mourned your mother’s death for a year. Let him find happiness if he can, because if you do, I predict that it will spill over into your own life.
“Hiding My Smile in New Jersey” (Feb. 28) was embarrassed by the condition of the writer’s teeth, which had neglected for years.
Your advice to her/him
Yes, the Bible indicates that when a believer dies, the angels will escort them safely into Heaven.
In one of His parables, for example, Jesus told about two very different men. One was a rich man, who lived only for himself and ignored both God and others. The other was a poor beggar who had nothing as far as this world’s goods were concerned, but had faith in God and His promises. When the rich man died, he received what he deserved: a life of misery, separated from God forever. But when the poor man died, the angels accompanied him safely into God’s presence. (You can read this parable in Luke 16:19-31.)
Although we may not see them or even be aware of their presence, God’s angels are real, and when we know Christ, we was excellent, but I’d like to add one more suggestion: Schools of dentistry often have programs in which care is offered to lower-income patients under a reduced-fee structure, based on the client’s income. Care is provided by dental students under close supervision by their board-certified dental professors. Students participate as assistants in procedures prior to being allowed to perform these procedures. In the latter case, the senior dentist serves as the assistant (and guide).
Thank you for offering that suggestion, one that was echoed by many readers who wrote to lend support to “Hiding.” Some of them also advised looking into a company that provides credit to finance medical and dental work. Usually it’s a no-interest loan for a certain period, which allows patients to pay over time without having to wait for their care. The dental care provider may be able to recommend one. know they are always with us to safeguard us from Satan’s attacks. If they safeguard us now, can’t they also be trusted to safeguard our journey to Heaven? Of course. The Bible says, “Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?” (Hebrews 1:14).
Never forget, however, that Christ alone is our Savior, and He alone is the one in whom we are to place our faith and trust. We should be grateful for God’s angels, but we are not to worship them or make them (instead of Christ) the center of our faith. Is Christ the center of your faith? Make sure of your commitment to Him. Then put your confidence in God’s promise: “For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways” (Psalm 91:11).