By the book?
TEACH ETIQUETTE TO CHILDREN BY TALKING AND BY EXAMPLE
QUESTION: Should we be buying etiquette books for our children and talking about etiquette every day? It seems like “keep your elbows off the table”; “don’t wear a hat to dinner”; “close your mouth while chewing” and “wait for the hostess to start eating before your start” are becoming ideas from the past. How can we, as parents, emphasize the importance of good manners?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Teach by example and talk with them about good manners. That being said, manners are not something that happens overnight, it is a process. Keep up the good work!
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: None of what you mentioned are lessons from the past but are relevant to today, as they are the building blocks from which relationships are built. No one is going to notice if someone has good manners, but people — a potential boss, a friend, future love interest — might notice the ones with bad manners and reject them accordingly (more likely the ones with really bad manners than an occasional slip-up). We’re not going to get it right all the time — both the teaching of manners or the execution of them — but good manners are a foundation for civility and an antidote to bullying. So use whatever tools your children will pay attention to — reading books, leading by example, making a game of it — and repeat, repeat, repeat. Your children will get further by learning early how to treat people with respect, and good manners are a part of that.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Hopefully, good manners are still being practiced, as many companies are hiring etiquette consultants to remind their employees about how to interact politely with others.
Children need access to etiquette answers whether it is by using apps or books or by asking their parents. Parents are definitely important as they can start the learning process early in the children’s
lives. They can enforce the ideas at home so that the children know their manners whether they are on the playground, in their friend’s home or in the workplace.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Hilarie Blaney, etiquette and international protocol consultant: Yes, you should, and here are books I like for younger children. Munro Leaf publishes several books that are simple and a visually fun way to learn. In addition, Whoopi Goldberg’s “Big Book of Manners” is illustrated in a way that is appealing to children.
Looking back on my childhood, my parents emphasized good manners not only at the dinner table but in many social settings, such as church, ballgames and school. The most valuable thing they did was to explain “why” we do the things we do.
For instance, the reasons we walk on the right side of the sidewalk or walkway, why our knife blade points inward or how to shake hands were all easier to remember because we were told the history, or just why it makes sense to do certain things so society can get along.
As parents, if we don’t start the process with our children, I am not sure who will end up providing these lessons. Teachers are too busy and not paid to instruct manners. That leaves other parents and possibly a church leader or coach. It really is our responsibility to train our children about good behavior, rules and manners. I think starting with fun books and making a game of it gives the whole family something in common. Callie Athey is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.