The Oklahoman

Spoons, spoons and more spoons confuse reader

- Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanner­s.com; to her email, dearmissma­nners@gmail. com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndicatio­n, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

I inherited a beautiful set of sterling flatware, made in 1908, that had belonged to my grandparen­ts. There are 12 spoons of which I can’t figure out the use: They are the size of what we would today use as serving spoons — but 12 of them!

They can’t be soup spoons because I also inherited another silver set from 1917 — a different pattern — and those have the traditiona­l round spoons. Can you help me figure out what was the purpose of these spoons?

Certainly. You only have to realize that your ancestors were more precise about their silverware than people are apt to be today.

Your grandparen­ts were indeed eating soup with those large oval spoons — just not creamed soup, which requires the round spoons that your other relatives thoughtful­ly provided. Should you someday inherit small round-bowled spoons, Miss Manners will consider your life complete, as you will then also be able to eat bouillon properly.

My husband and I own a small business together. For a bit, our oldest son worked with us. He no longer does, and due to drug and mental health issues, we had to file a restrainin­g order against him. Since he worked there, occasional­ly we have to field questions on how he is doing. I have been pretty good with a vague, “Like many young adults, he is out there trying to find his way.”

My husband hasn’t handled this well at all and tends to overshare, explaining exactly what happened and how he feels about it. I don’t feel this is appropriat­e — we’re there to listen to our customers’ life stories, not the other way around.

I tried diverting the conversati­on by being lightheart­ed; I have asked him in private to please stop oversharin­g.All to little effect. Is there a polite way that I can shut down a line of conversati­on before he gets going?

You might point out to your husband that if your son is able to overcome his problems, he will have the additional burden of dealing with his father’s public condemnati­on. While Miss Manners also recognizes that your husband needs an outlet for his anguish, you might steer him to intimates who, like yourself, can sympathize without going public.

If neither of these works, you could break in by saying soothingly, “Forgive us; we are understand­ably distraught” before proceeding immediatel­y and firmly to business.

How do you fend off rude questions from co-workers, such as, “That’s a nice sweater. Is it NEW?” I find they often scrutinize every thread and every sleeve on my apparel, as they ask this question.

“I’m glad you like it.” Miss Manners assures you that there is less thought and judgment going into those remarks than you think. That admirers deeply care about the provenance of your sweater strikes her as unlikely.

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