Daughter’s identity as asexual not welcomed
I have recently started disclosing to close friends and family that I am asexual (someone who experiences no sexual attraction to any person). For the most part they have been supportive, but my mother and one of my friends are having trouble accepting it. I have told them I do not want children and that I am repulsed by the thought of sexual intercourse, but my mother acts like if I don’t have children, I won’t be as welcome. She even suggested that I could marry a gay man, so sex wouldn’t be an issue. And my friend continues to pressure me into dating, saying I “just haven’t met the right one yet.”
Abby, I have no clue how to maintain contact with them, as they seem unwilling to let my sexual identity be my business.
Your sexual identity became their business the minute you told them you were asexual. The problem is that your friend and your mother do not understand what asexuality is — and many people don’t. Please tell your mother for me that marrying a gay man is not the answer because HE may want a sex life, something to which he is entitled, by the way. As to your friend, she’s well-meaning I’m sure, but misguided.
You are who you are. You’re not going to change, and you should not be punished for it. Please try not to be defensive because this is your chance to educate. Answer their questions with patience and kindness and do not let yourself be bullied or emotionally blackmailed into doing anything you are not comfortable with.
After my daughter Jenna’s father tried to strangle me in a drunken rage one night, I took her and left. Years later, we are on good terms. I have legal custody. He sends financial support and visits about once a month. My finances, however, are not great.
Because we are not in touch with his extended family, I was surprised when he told me his sister wants Jenna to be a flower girl in her destination wedding. I’m not comfortable sending her alone with her father because of his history of alcohol abuse (which his sister is unaware of). I am not financially able to take her myself.
Is there a solution I’m overlooking?
Without knowing your former partner’s sister, it would be unfair of me to guess her reason for wanting your daughter in her wedding. However, if your ex is still drinking, you are absolutely right that Jenna should not be traveling with him. Perhaps he would be willing to pay for both of you to be there.
There are so many jokes about mothers-in-law, but I had not heard this one from Mark Twain: “Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law.”
That wasn’t the only relative that Adam was lacking.
At the bridge table, you occasionally need to get lucky. In today’s deal, look at the North hand. East opens one diamond, South overcalls four spades, and West passes. What should North do?
In theory, partner has a limited hand with a good eight-card suit. It looks as though slam will depend on a winning finesse or two in the rounded suits, but given East’s opening bid, they rate to be losing. So, the sensible course is to pass and take the money. But let’s assume North jumps to six spades. How should partner play after a diamond lead?
South starts with only 10 top tricks: seven spades and three side-suit aces. He needs two more winners from somewhere. Note that even if the club finesse is winning, it will provide only one more trick (assuming West covers the club jack with the king). But if the heart finesse is working, that will produce the necessary winners. So, South should bank everything on the heart finesse. After driving out the spade ace and drawing trumps, he runs the heart jack. The club loser disappears on dummy’s diamond ace.
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