The Oklahoman

Formal graduation announceme­nts aren’t necessary

- Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanner­s.com; to her email, dearmissma­nners@gmail. com UNIVERSAL UCLICK

My son is graduating high school this year. I know my husband’s and my aunts and uncles would want to know, so I want to send graduation announceme­nts, however I do not wnat them to feel obligated to send a gift. Would it be appropriat­e to include a note stating that gifts are not necessary?

Graduation announceme­nts do a lot of damage, Miss Manners has observed. Although you are quite right that they are not demands for presents — the only response required is congratula­tions — recipients are hard put to think what other purpose they actually serve.

Formal announceme­nts are made when there is an event that would be of such interest to so many people that other means of notificati­on are impractica­l. So before buying the school’s package of announceme­nts, you should ask yourself how many people who would really care to know about this, such as relatives and close friends, don’t already know, and how many people who don’t know would much care.

Why not just send friendly notes, inquiring about themselves as well as mentioning the graduation? Or post the informatio­n wherever you put family news?

I am not a religious person, but I treat other people’s beliefs respectful­ly. When others I am with are praying, for example, I lower my head and hold my hands together. But there is one situation I struggle with: when people pray for financial gain. To say that I find this repulsive is an understate­ment. Should I just keep my mouth shut and play along, or is there a polite way to opt out?

There are people who pray for all kinds of reasons you may not find worthy of God’s attention — to win games, to smite their rivals, not to be caught when they did wrong. But these prayers are not addressed to you, however conspicuou­sly they are uttered in your presence. By remaining silent while prayers are uttered, you are not endorsing the content. Actress Singer Actress Country singer 56. Actor (“Law and Order: Special Victims Unit”), 56. Actor (“The New Adventures of Old Christine”), 55. Actor (“Game of Thrones”), 42. Actor (“Criminal Minds”), 42. Actor (“Shame”), 40. Actor (“Pretty Little Liars”), 31. Actor (“Breaking Bad”), 29. 72.

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