Woman wonders if opposites can move beyond attraction

I have been in a two-year relationship with a man who is loving and intelligent. We have talked about marriage since the beginning. I have traditional values, while he doesn’t believe marriage is necessary.

This would be a second marriage for both of us. He says he’s willing to marry me because he knows how important marriage is to me. I was raised in the church, and living together not only makes me uncomfortable, but is looked down upon by my family.

While we are compatible in most ways, we are polar opposites when it comes to politics and religion. It bothers me, but he says we don’t have to agree on everything. I feel that to have a happy relationship, a couple’s essential values and morals should be similar.

He never wants to discuss political issues, and it makes things difficult. I know he doesn’t feel the same as I do, but sometimes I’d like to be able to talk about what is going on in the world.

I’m wondering if a relationship with so many differences can survive. He does make me happy, and we have a very passionate, loving relationship. Opposites often attract. Depending upon the people involved, it can lead to successful marriages.

However, couples in a solid relationship need to be able to communicate honestly with each other, and your gentleman friend appears not to be capable of doing it fully, which is not a good sign. If you plan on taking this relationship to the next level, I recommend the two of you have premarital counseling.

My daughter is 3. She has reached the point where she comments upon others’ appearance. Generally, her comments are of the “that lady has a big bottom!” variety, spoken within earshot. We are working on the concepts of manners and tact, in addition to learning that people come in all shapes, sizes, colors, etc.

Have you any suggestions for how to address the subjects of her comments? I’ve offered some version of “I’m sorry, we’re still working on our manners,” but it seems to imply that I’m teaching her to make her hurtful comments in a quieter voice.

You are overthinking this. Children sometimes say the darndest things. The way you’re handling it is just fine. I hardly think anyone will be wounded for life because of anything a 3-year-old utters. (Everything looks “big” to a kid that age.)