Bride-ing your time
Down-home wedding
Bridesmaid wants to know how to split time between bride and friends back home.
I’ve started reading your advice and I am so glad I’ve found it! Learning how to be more mindful of others is such an interesting and useful skill —thank you for your teachings!
I recently moved from Arkansas to Connecticut and after moving, I was asked to be a bridesmaid in an Arkansas friend’s wedding this July. I am so thrilled to be a part of her special day, and I have done my best to be a part of her planning remotely to be helpful. I plan to be in town for five days before her wedding so that I can help the bride with any last-minute things and be a part of the festivities.
The bride graciously offered for me to stay in her home, which is a huge help for me! It will also be my first trip back to Arkansas in a year when I visit, so I would like to see other friends and former colleagues while I’m in town.
How can I best manage my time and help the bride but also catch up with friends? Or should I dedicate the entire week to spending time with her?
How about friends that I know I can’t make the time to see? Should I let them know I’ll be in town but will be too busy to meet up? I likely won’t have another opportunity to visit for another year, so I want to be sensitive to the bride, but also make the most of my trip.
I’m worried that it could make her feel awkward if I’m in and out of her home seeing other friends. I certainly don’t want to make her feel like I’m treating her place as a hotel!
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Hopefully, the bride hasn’t left too many tasks to do before the big day. I would say, you do not need to be available your whole stay, mostly the weekend of the wedding, although it never hurts to ask the bride herself.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER:
Clear some of those questions up with the bride before you get there, but keep in mind that since you’re coming for the wedding and staying with her, any wedding-related festivities and duties are your priority. If you feel like it will be hard to come and go while you’re there for reasons other than the wedding, stay in a hotel. It already sounds like you are mindful of that priority and want to be there for the bride.
What about planning an extended lunch at a restaurant to see all of your friends who aren’t involved in the wedding? That way they can come and eat or drop by to say “hi.” It also solves the problem of letting different friends know you’re in town and that you might not have time to see them. I have a friend who does that when she’s in town, and I love knowing that she’s here and planning something that works with her schedule. She emails (or sends a Facebook message) with a time and a place and anyone who is available comes by. It is always fun to drop by and give her a hug, even if I only have a few minutes. If you plan that ahead of time with the bride, too, then she’ll know you have that time blocked out for another reason.
Enjoy your visit back “home” — and the wedding!
Thank you for reading 20-40-60. And thank you for your question. It will be fun for you to be back in Arkansas and to catch up with the bride and your other friends. How nice that the bride asked you to stay with her.
I imagine there are things that the bride and her family will need to be doing that does not include anyone but them, so just communicate with them and when they are busy, see your other friends.
If there are things that you can do to help the bride, be there. You are coming for the wedding so that is really your first priority. Have a great time!
Your concern and consideration of your friend is so kind. Your desire to cover several bases is well taken.
Considering the stress of a wedding, your friend is very generous to invite you to stay at her home and, thus, save you money, too!
I would say the maid of honor would know what plans are made that you will be responsible to attend. She and the bride would be the ones you need to ask about activities that are planned and how you can help out.
Being a guest in her home, your first responsibility is to the wedding and the bride. I think if you communicate and ask what her plans are, then you can make some plans of your own with limitation. Finally, would the people you want to see be invited to the wedding? If so, that would save you some time.
Surely your friend will be understanding of your desire to visit friends, but I would put her first and work around her week. You sound creative, thoughtful and appreciative, so just communicate!