Mom dotes on new boyfriend at the expense of her kids

My wife, “Rita,” and I separated a year ago. Our divorce is pending. The man she’s seeing has a violent criminal past. He has already cheated on Rita with his ex-girlfriend, the woman who had him locked up in the first place.

Rita caters to him to the point that she ignores our kids. When he shows up, they “retire” to the bedroom and my children are on their own for dinner. She paid his bail when we were supposed to be saving for our daughter’s school trip, which meant I ended up paying her half.

She’s oblivious. She thinks the kids want to be at my place only because there’s a game system.

My kids want him gone. They have expressed this to their mother, but she makes excuses. They have told me she comes apart when he’s not there. Could she be terrified of being alone? Is it possible to make her realize how this is affecting our kids?

Your wife may have a severe fear of being alone, but if it’s true that she can’t function when he’s not there, there may be other emotional issues as well. Please understand that now that you are separated, you cannot dictate how often she sees this man. However, because she appears to be unable or unwilling to be present for her children when he’s there, consider having a calm, non-accusatory conversation with her about them staying with you “a while” — a long while. She may surprise you and be open to it.

A friend of a friend was looking for a weekend getaway. I offered my summer home to the couple at no cost.

I gave them the keys, they left for the weekend and she texted me to say they arrived. Two hours later, I received another text saying that they could not stay there because their allergies were really bad and they had to leave.

I felt bad, but they were aware of my two dogs. I’m not a dirty person. Quite a few people come and stay at the summer house, and no one has ever left before. How should I react when I see them again? I thought I was doing something nice.

You WERE doing something nice, and you should not take what happened personally. Some people are sensitive to animal dander, which is what likely caused your guests to leave. While you may have been able to remove all or most of the dog hair, you may have missed flakes from their skin that were imbedded in the furniture and which triggered the allergic reaction. Let it go, and when you see these people, treat them as you always have.