Dad’s disapproval sparks family’s communication gap

We are from the Middle East. My younger brother married an American woman and moved to Arizona, where her family lives. Because our dad didn’t approve, my brother made the plans behind our back and told Dad in an email.

We have just found out from a friend that they’re having a baby. They’ll probably tell us after the baby is born. I have tried to get through to my brother that these secrets are not good, but talking to him is frustrating. If they do give us the news after the baby is born, I no longer wish to speak to him. Is this OK?

Your brother and sister-in-law’s silence likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the way he and his wife felt about your father’s disapproval of their marriage. They may have moved to Arizona because Arizona felt more welcoming than being close to your father did.

Avoid the temptation to personalize the breach. Try to keep the lines of communication open with your brother, because in the future it may be important. A card congratulating them on the birth of their baby would be a place to start.

How does one deal with a super-sized guest? My husband can’t travel anymore due to health issues. His brother and wife want to visit us. She weighs over 400 pounds. My furniture probably won’t hold her. To put it nicely, she isn’t “graceful.”

We can rent a larger vehicle while they’re here because she won’t be able to fit in ours. I will have to pay someone to reinforce the bed in the guest room.

Any suggestions?

I do have one. Invest in a large, sturdy, comfortable chair that can accommodate your houseguest and guide her to it when she arrives.

My 8-yearold daughter, “Rapunzel,” always wanted to keep her hair long, which my husband and I encouraged. That was until my mother moved in. Mother says things like, “Don’t you want short hair like mine?” and, “It’s so much easier to take care of when it’s short.”

Now Rapunzel wants a short haircut, and my husband and I are irate. We let her dress however she wants, but this is where we draw the line. I know hair grows back, but we feel my mother has stepped out of line. Who is in the wrong?

Did you discuss your displeasure with your mother the first time she started trying to persuade your daughter to cut her hair? If you did and she persisted, then SHE is in the wrong.