Learning to ‘Face’ it
QUESTION: I had a Facebook post about a political topic. Keep in mind that I love good, respectful dialogue and have no problem with opinions that differ from mine.
On this particular post, a friend (John) started attacking another friend (Jane) whose opinions differed from his and mine. Jane was very respectful in her remarks; she simply stated her thoughts and opinions. John, however, who does not know Jane, was not respectful and commented in opposition to Jane with attacking statements.
I promptly asked John to stop making derogatory remarks and to be respectful of my friend. He ignored my request and continued. I finally had to be more direct and tell him he was out of line, and it was not right for him to attack someone he did not know and who was my friend!
I am curious to know what your thoughts are on such a situation. What would you say is proper etiquette when you disagree with someone’s friend’s comments on social media?
CALLIE’S ANSWER:
Stay away from posting anything that could be controversial on Facebook. There are always different views and opinions that are sure to fuel a discussion, which could turn into something you didn’t mean it to. Since this was your post, you could have deleted his comments all together.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: It’s your post, and you can choose how you handle it.
Your choices are to delete John’s comments from that particular feed; unfriend him; leave all the comments up, including your defense of Jane; or stop posting political statements on Facebook all together. One friend I have reminds people up front, when she posts, to keep the discussion civil, whether a commenter agrees or disagrees. Her posts always lead to thoughtful debate.
It’s rude that John continued attacking, but I also think that arguing politics on social media can bring out the worst in people. The nice thing is, you’re in charge of what kind of discussion you want to see on your own Facebook posts. In other places, you have to ignore the vitriol. Posting on social media is a very public way to work out our differences, and we can make separate cases about whether it’s the right way or wrong way. But when people are willing to listen to other points of view and not attack others personally, these debates have the potential to bring valuable understanding to difficult topics.
HELEN’S ANSWER: It is hard to watch uncivil comments on any social media. Delete his, and then, if you want him to know why they were deleted, send a message explaining the action. It is not necessary to call him out on his post unless you want to get into a heated political discussion.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Joe Hight, University of Central Oklahoma journalism ethics chair, and president of Best of Books:
I commend you for having Facebook friends who are on all sides of the political spectrum. However, it’s not unusual these days for the discussion to become volatile and personal.
When posting a statement that could be political, it’s important to note immediately that everyone should be respectful of others’ opinions and not to make any personal attacks. If the person continues to attack as you noted, politely remind everyone again. If the attacks continue, you do have the option to delete the offending post or go into Facebook settings to determine what to do with the offending person. Or, send a private message to the individual. Don’t let the bad behavior go unchecked. You are in a way a moderator of that particular dialogue. But don’t censor it either as long the posts don’t digress to personal insults and name-calling.
Continue to encourage civic and civil dialogue. We need it now more than ever. Callie Athey is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.